Fever Pitch Page #4

from Seoul,

'Linford Christie's

given the all-clear... '

- Arsenal.

- Yes, you said.

No, I was talking

to Robert Parker's mother

about Arsenal.

God!

I'm in the wrong job.

Well, I'm in the wrong life.

I spent hours preparing

for a parents' evening.

No one could think

of two words to say to me.

Yet they queue for hours

to hear your pearls of wisdom

on next week's game

against Wolves United!

Yeah...

Just Wolves. No United.

Look, I'm sorry.

It must seem unfair.

Yes, it does, actually.

It's the next left.

Maybe you're too

uptight with them.

Maybe you should just...

be yourself more.

All those files and folders

and what have you.

That IS me being myself.

It's just here.

D'you want a cup of coffee?

OK.

You don't have to.

No, no, no. I'd...

Yeah, I'd like to.

What are these for, then?

They're not for anything.

They just look nice.

Are they yours?

No.

Jo's. My flat-mate.

It's her place.

She's away at the moment.

Can I smoke?

No.

You can stay the night, though,

if you want.

Not on the carpet.

I can't afford it.

You might have

the decency to run.

Then we wouldn't

be doing it together.

Cocky cow.

It's just a fact. Look.

OK! OK!

I HATE you!

I owe you a new carpet.

Well, maybe a new spare bed.

You shagged

the football hooligan!

I knew it! I knew it!

He's not a football hooligan.

So he HAS read Byron?

He's bound to have done!

It doesn't really matter

if he hasn't.

Who'd have thought it, eh?

"Iron Knickers" Hughes

ending up with a yob.

He's not a yob

and I'm not ending up with him.

You wanna bet?

Where are you off to?

I'm starving.

I was thinking of ringing

for a pizza.

Have you read Byron?

What?

Have you read

any of Byron's poems?

Yeah.

"The Assyrian came down

like a wolf on the fold

"and his somethings

were gleaming

"in black and old gold. " Crap.

What are those?

My... Arsenal boxer shorts.

They're not my best ones.

I was running out.

But you're willing to show them

to another human being.

I wasn't exactly

showing them to you.

What d'you wanna know

about Byron for?

Um... a bet.

Did you win?

I don't think so.

Stay in line!

Right, now push up!

Out! Out!

That's it! Good lads.

Offside, referee!

Offside!

Ref!

Oi, ref, he was miles off.

It's not M Y fault.

Too good a coach for this level.

What's the score?

One-all.

If you count that POXY GOAL

they just scored.

What's this, Cup or League?

Cup, quarter-final.

- How long left?

- Fifteen.

I wanted to talk to you

about a vacancy.

Rosie Hunter's

handed in her notice.

I wondered whether you'd be

interested in applying.

Head of Year?

Um... well...

Obviously not the most

attractive offer

you've ever had.

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