Father of Invention

All things are intrinsically connected,

no matter how different

they may appear.

Hi. You know me... Robert Axle.

As a fabricator, I bring existing,

often very different items together,

maximizing their atomic

and molecular potential,

making ordinary inventions

infinitely more prolific.

Thank you very much.

We've got a big show today.

I've got lots of new items

to tell you about.

In fact, you all remember

the Robert Axle Light-O-Saurus.

Part humidifier, part night light,

the Light-O-Saurus connects

a child's need to feel safe at night

with a parent's need

to keep them healthy.

Then of course there was

the Robert Axle Pepper-Cam,

enabling us to pepper-spray

our assailants

and photograph them

at the same time.

And now introducing

my most inspired fabrication to date...

the Robert Axle Ab Clicker.

You can channel-surf,

watch your favorite programs,

adjust the volume...

all at the same time

that you are getting

that six-pack of abs.

You call the number right below

on the screen here...

You'll get 10% off on the Robert Axle

revolutionary Ab Clicker!

Thank you. Thank you for coming.

Thank you.

Thank you. Thank you.

# Call me #

# Irresponsible #

# Call me unreliable #

# Throw in #

# Undependable too #

# Do my foolish alibis... #

# Bore you? #

# Well, I'm not too clever... #

# I just adore you. #

There's your change.

# Call me irresponsible #

# Yes, I'm unreliable #

# But it's undeniably true. #

Hey, Robert Axle!

I see you!

Stupid Ab Clicker piece of crap!

Robert Axle!

"Depraved indifference

to human life."

What the hell

does that even mean?

It means that people

are too lazy to do sit-ups

so they stick their fingers

in places

they shouldn't have stuck

their fingers.

All right.

The good news there, Bob...

I got you a job.

Family Mart...

the fourth-largest discount

consumer retailer in the nation.

The assistant general manager

is Troy Coangelo.

You're to see him tomorrow

at 9:
00 AM sharp.

You do realize

that I built my own

$1.6 billion company

from scratch?

You're still a felon, hmm?

A felon who's had nothing

but eight years to brainstorm.

And all I need is one good idea

that puts me right back on top.

within five years.

I just got out early

for good behavior.

Could you let me enjoy that for two

minutes before you start your buzzkill?

Claire Elizabeth Axle...

that your daughter?

Yes.

And she knows you're gonna be

staying with her?

Yes. And it's Claire Elizabeth now.

Smart...

dropped the name.

There you go, sir.

Thanks.

Daddy!

Daddy.

Daddy, it's perfect.

- It's perfect. It's perfect.

- I'm so glad you like it.

- How did you know?

- How did I know?

I'm your father. I'm supposed to know

what to get you for your birthday.

I have an idea.

Will you ride with me?

Honey, I can't right now.

I'm in the middle of doing some work.

Come on, just one ride.

You have time for one ride, Dad.

Honey, you know I'm not much

of a bike guy, all right?

So you ride your bike and I'll come

and find you a little bit later.

Go on, go on, go on.

Happy birthday, baby.

# Maybe if there's something wrong #

# Well, I don't like

how you wait until I'm gone #

# To find a way... #

I'm recording.

Jesus Christ,

you look like hell.

When did you start smoking?

Around the same time you became

a total self-absorbed prick.

You feel good frolicking around

with $362 million of my money?

It's not your money.

It's half your money.

The rest went to the poor innocent

victims whose fingers you chipped off.

You wouldn't have this house

or this life if it weren't for me.

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