Fakkah Fuzz: Almost Banned Page #3

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When a Malay auntie Halimah

cleans the streets,

[in Malay]

"If I don't do it, no one else will.

[in Malay]

I'm your maid, aren't I?"

[laughter]

Oh, man.

You think Halimah

has that Malay mother's sneeze, man?

You know how... I mean, I don't think

it exists only in Malay mothers.

I think it exists

in all mothers, you know.

You know mothers

have two sneeze voices, right?

Two sneeze voices. You know

what I'm talking about, right, huh?

Mothers, when they are outside,

in a social setting like this,

all these aunties, aunties,

whenever they sneeze, they go...

[imitates soft sneeze]

[laughter]

[imitates soft sneeze]

But at home, it's like...

[imitates loud sneeze]

[audience laughing]

[in Malay] And you go,

"Gosh, I thought somebody died!"

[laughter]

[Fuzz] Oh.

It's weird, it's weird, it's weird.

But it's nice to be here,

ladies and gentlemen.

I must say, okay,

being a Malay brother,

I see a lot of Chinese people,

I don't mean to rip on you all, okay?

[in Mandarin]

Don't worry. Don't be surprised.

[in Mandarin] Don't feel weird

looking at a Malay performing.

[in Mandarin]

I'm not here to steal your stuff.

[in Mandarin] I'm just here

to entertain you with my jokes, okay?

Don't be surprised I know Mandarin.

You know what they say,

you have to know your enemy. [audience laughing]

I'm kidding.

[chuckling]

I love Chinese people.

I had a friend in school,

his name is Wei-xiong, okay?

And I am one of the Malay boys

who is very, very thankful

of my Chinese friend Wei-xiong.

Because if it wasn't for Wei-xiong,

I would not have made it

to primary school.

Because I would copy his homework,

every day of the week, okay?

And Wei-xiong is very good. "Copy, copy.

Can, can, can. Copy, copy. Can, right?"

Right, I would copy his homework

every day, right.

And I would always get detention

because I used to copy his homework

all the time.

But Wei-xiong never got detention.

Until one day, Wei-xiong got detention.

He sat next to me.

I looked at Wei-xiong,

Wei-xiong looked at me.

I asked him, "Wei-xiong,

why are you in detention?

He says, "I said lan jiao in class."

For those of you who don't know

what lan jiao is,

lan jiao means "penis" in Hokkien, okay?

"I said lan jiao in class."

I turned to him, I said,

"Wow, that's some gangster sh*t, man."

[chuckles]

Right? Just then, the teacher walks in,

"Wei-xiong, I am very disappointed

in you, okay?

I have already called your father,

and your father is on the way right now.

Wei-xiong, you wait, you wait,

you wait!" Right?

[chuckles]

And then, just then, the father comes in.

The father says, "Why?

Why is my son being punished? Why? Why?

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