Failure to Launch

I just feel really close to you.

You are really close to me.

Well, this way we can share everything.

Wow, that's so good.

Look.

They're still so in love.

How great is that?

So, where do you see us going?

Well, tonight I see us

going back to my place.

Wow!

- This is your house?

- Yeah.

It's beautiful!

Thank you.

I like to come home to a nice place.

I'm happy. Are you happy?

Oh, yeah. Happy is what I'm all about.

Tripp, as long as you're up, Son...

Come on, Pop! Whoa, man.

Don't you knock?

What?

Your momma's...

She's snoring like a rhino.

And then this music got started...

Hey, you must be Melody.

Melissa.

Oh! It's Melissa!

It's Melissa. Okay. All right.

Y'all have a good time.

Night, Pop.

You live with your parents?

Is that a problem?

Are you kidding me?

And she's leaving.

Stomping down the steps.

Unbelievable! Parents?

Putting on her coat.

Did you move that umbrella stand?

Oh, shit!

We gotta get rid of that thing.

You know we're gonna get sued?

Damn it!

And she's out.

Another one bites the dust.

And he is still here.

- Morning, Mom.

- Morning.

What do you say, Pop?

Good morning, Son.

Get any sleep last night?

- Okay, honey, here you go.

- You're the best, Mom.

Are you kidding me?

- Have a good day.

- You, too.

- Don't forget your snack.

- Thanks.

- Think fast!

- Bye!

So you dumped Melissa?

Well, technically, she dumped me.

What happened?

It was last night.

We were in a restaurant.

She sees this elderly couple

and they're holding hands,

and then she decides to hold my hand.

So she smiles at me.

Next thing I know,

she gives me "the look."

Dude, I'm so sorry.

No harm, no foul, though.

It was just time for her

to meet the parents.

Not the parents.

Bye-bye, Melissa.

Here we go again.

Yeah. What's your point?

The point is, my friend,

you are afraid of love.

Bullshit. No, no, no, no, no, man,

I'm not afraid of love.

I love love.

Look, I've had a lot of girlfriends, right?

And sometimes I'm the rebound guy.

Other times, when I get lucky,

I'm the "explore new areas

of your sexuality" guy.

But every single time, we have fun.

Thank you.

I have fun, they have fun.

It's good for me, it's good for them.

And I would argue that's it's damn good

for civilization as a whole.

If more people thought that way...

I do sleep well at night.

On a twin bed, with Superman sheets

that you've had since you were six.

As opposed to you,

who sleeps in a king-sized bed

in your mother's basement?

It's orthopedic, and I need it.

And at least I'm not sponging

off my parents

so I can afford to get laid

on every continent.

I'm a rambling man. I'm a tumbleweed.

I'm a seeker of truth.

And one truth I've learned,

a child is a parent's greatest joy.

Which is why I can't leave

my parents' place,

because they would miss me!

Amen, brother!

And yet, in America,

we're shunned for our lifestyle.

When we should be celebrating

our lifestyle.

- We are men who still live at home.

- Yes!

We're not here to apologize

about who we are, or how we do it,

- or who we live with.

- No!

I'm looking around this table, "hombres,"

and I see three winners.

And to every one of those out there

who sees something different,

I say bring it on!

'Cause it's going to take

a stick of dynamite

to get me out of my parents' house.

The boy's 35 years old!

It's just not fair.

Thirty-five years!

We were good parents,

and now we're supposed to be done!

Hey, I don't blame my kid for staying.

Our place is much nicer

than anything he can afford.

Well, our son's a flight attendant.

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