Excuse Me for Living Page #3

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THIS TIME, I HAVE PICTURES

OF MY HUSBAND CHEATING ON ME.

DON'T WORRY,

MRS. TOPLER.

AS YOUR ATTORNEY, WE'LL TAKE HIM

FOR ALL HE'S GOT,

OR MY NAME ISN' CHARLOTTE DAVIDSON.

Man:
PIROT, LET'S GE A MOVE ON.

THE COSTUME BALL

MUST BE PERFECT.

DID YOU ARRANGE FOR

THE NOTRE DAME TWINS

TO BE HERE?

THE CHAMPAGNE,

THE ORGANIC HORS D'OEUVRES?

JAZZ BAND?

DON'T FORGET TO PU COKE AND PERFUME BOTTLES

IN EACH BEDROOM.

YES, BOSS.

DANDY MAN. HEY, WHAT TIME

YOU GONNA BE HERE FOR THE BASH?

DON'T KNOW, BRUCIE.

MAYBE I SHOULD PASS

ON THIS PARTY:

AND FINALLY DRY OUT.

OH, YOU'RE NOT GONNA WANNA MISS

THIS ONE, I PROMISE YOU.

I'VE GOT A SURPRISE

FOR YOU.

JUST WALK RIGHT ON

UP THE BEACH.

IT'S NOT EVEN A MILE.

BESIDES, THERE'S YOUR

ADORING PUBLIC TO CONSIDER.

YOU WIN, BRUCIE.

NO WONDER YOU BAG

ALL THOSE MERGERS

AT MORGAN STANFIELD.

OKAY, CATCH YA LATER.

( knocking on door )

TAKE JUST ONE OF EACH

AT BEDTIME, NOT BEFORE.

YOU HAVE TO SUBMIT TO

DAILY BLOOD AND URINE TESTS.

NO DRIVING, EXCEPT FOR

THE MEN'S GROUP,

AND FOR GOD'S SAKE,

DO NOT TAKE ANY:

DRUGS OR ALCOHOL.

Man:
ARE YOU PLAYING?

WHAT'S GOIN' ON HERE?

( men continue

chattering )

JESUS.

I GOT TO KEEP MY IMAGE

WHILE SUSPENDED FROM MY THRONE

THAT LOOKS OUT UPON MY KINGDOM

FULL OF PEOPLE ALL UNKNOWN

WHO IMAGINE I'M NOT HUMAN

AND MY HEART IS MADE OF STONE

I NEVER HAD NO PROBLEMS

AND MY TOILET'S

TRIMMED WITH CHROME

I'M A MAN,

YES, I AM

AND I CAN'T HELP

BUT LOVE YOU SO:

NO, NO, NO

I'M A MAN,

YES, I AM

AND I CAN'T HELP

BUT LOVE YOU SO:

NO, NO, NO

YES, I AM

NO, NO, NO

HEY, HEY, HEY, HEY

HEY, HEY, HEY

YES, I AM

( men chattering nearby )

TWO PAIR, ACES UP,

READ 'EM AND WEEP, SUCKERS!

THE DANDY MAN'S HERE!

RISE, GRASSHOPPERS.

WHERE'S THE CHOW?

I'M FAMISHED.

INTRODUCE ME IMMEDIATELY

TO THAT DARK-HAIRED MIRAGE,

OR I WILL TURN YOU INTO

A MAN FROM THE TOAD YOU ARE.

Bruce:
YOU MEAN

CHARLOTTE DAVIDSON.

OKAY, MY MAN.

TAKE THIS FOR GOOD LUCK.

JUST WAIT UNTIL HE DISCOVERS

SHE'S A KARATE BLACK BELT.

AND HER FATHER'S

EVEN RICHER THAN HIS.

DIDN'T YOU FORGE MY CHANGE AT McDONALD'S

THIS AFTERNOON?

AND I ASKED FOR:

THE ONION RINGS,

NOT THE FRIES.

WELL, EXCUSE ME, SIR.

I HOPE I CAN FIND A WAY

TO MAKE IT UP TO YOU.

CHAMPAGNE!

I'M DAN TOPLER,

AND NO, I'M ON

THE WAGON JUST NOW.

- UH...

- CHARLOTTE DAVIDSON.

MY FRIENDS CALL ME CHARLIE.

SO YOU'RE

THE DANDY MAN.

YOU KNOW, I'VE BEEN

PANTING TO MEET YOU.

LET'S GET ON

THE WAGON TOGETHER.

JUST HAVE:

A SQUOSH.

IT'S PRONOUNCED

"SKOSH."

OKAY. SKOSH.

HAVE ONE.

YOU'LL FEEL BETTER,

AND SO WILL YOUR WAGON.

ONE MORE.

SHOULD WE TELL HIM THA CHARLIE'S COME FROM

THE DARK SIDE?

HE'LL FIND OU SOON ENOUGH.

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