Eating Out 2: Sloppy Seconds Page #4

- You'renever hot enough.

- STDs.

- Ifyou're lucky.

There'sthis group, Coming In.

I kindawanna go check 'em out,

'causelthink

theymightfixme.

The anti-gays?

Ex-gays.

Justlikeyou, Kyle.

Right?

- What?

- What?

Kyleusedto begay.

Youtwo should hang out,

getto know each other,

swap... stories.

You're an ex-gay?

Well...

You'relikemyidol!

Itotallyjust wantto get

insideyou

and learn everything.

Uhh...

Oh my God...

You two aretogether, right?

Yes!

We'reboyfriend and girlfriend!

I knewit!

You'realwaystogether,

but Iwasn't sure.

Itmust'vebeen thefact

that I act so faggy?

Andyou're really

straightnow?

As a cucumber.

God, no wonder Ifelt so

comfortablewith youtwo!

Howlong have you been together?

Afewmonths.

And it'strue love, isn't it,

mylittlesexmonkey?

Ahh!

And you'recomfortable

thatheused to...

Smokesausage?

We'veall got

skeletons in our closets.

His arejust

more well hung.

And how'sthat

goingfor you?

Howdo you think

it's goingfor him?

Look atme, I'mperfect!

Yeah.

She's awesome.

Heespeciallyloves mytitties.

Breasts.

So whatare the

meetings like?

Well, uh, I've never been

to this chapter.

Oh, myGod, would you do me

the biggestfavor?

Of coursel'd do you...

You have to takeme

to oneofthesemeetings.

There's one tomorrow.

You could bemysponsor,

or whatever.

Do it, honey.

It might do you somegood

to renewyour vows

to heterosexuality.

Notthathe doesn't

ride meeverynight.

Okay.

It's a date!

I'll be right back.

I have to go usethe head.

Whatthe helljusthappened?

Wejust got you laid

byTroyfromlllinois!

You mademean ex-gay!

Thoseare myleast

favorite kind of gays!

Growsomenuts.

Do you thinkhewould havebeen

remotelyinterested ifyou were

justanother gay guy?

Listen to me.

I don'thavea chance

in this godforsaken world

of ever wrapping mylips

around hisfortyacres

and amule-

Butyou do.

So, you'resaying he'll

letmehavesex with him

becausel'mnot gay?

You heard him.

You'll behis new

"closefriend. "

Since you'restraight,

you'll getto

hang outwith him.

You'll supporthimin those

straight emo bondingways

until eventuallyall his

repressed passion explodes.

Right down yourthroat.

This is sick!

You'reboth sick!

Youthinkit couldwork?

Damn!

Hey!

No way.

I'mso nervous.

It's okay.

You'll befine.

Whatareyou doing?

Straight malebonding,

step one.

Hi.

Hi.

I'mOctavio...

Octavio!

Introductions lead

to conversations

leadto invitations

ofintercourse

with thewrong persuasion.

I'll do theintroducing.

Whatthehell

do you want?

Wewantto join.

I findthathardto believe.

Maybeweshouldn't...

God believes me.

Well, I did prayfor you.

I know.

Spooky.

I'mJacob Buchanan,

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