Easy A Page #3

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So if we didn't do anything,

could you still tell people we kissed?

Absolutely.

- Thanks, Olive.

- Sure, Todd.

I actually didn't wanna lie that time.

When people thought

I'd kissed someone, they didn't care.

But when they thought

I slept with someone...

Hey, Olive. How's it going?

I'm swell,

Guy-I've-Never-Talked-to-Before.

Thanks for asking.

All I could think to myself was,

"Great, now I'm a tramp."

I'm gonna have to get

a lower-back tattoo...

... and pierce something

not on my face.

You guys know that

I was here all weekend, right?

- Yeah.

- Yes, you were upstairs.

- Yeah.

- You would testify to that?

- Yeah.

- I would take a bullet for you.

You know that.

Right between the eyes.

Man, I would slit my throat...

...rather than say something

to someone...

...that you didn't want me to say.

- That's not necessary.

- But that is comforting.

- That's how I am, how I roll.

That's how I do, as they say.

- I like the pants.

- Thank you. They're Costco.

You can have them

when you get taller.

- I'm never gonna go through puberty.

- Course you will.

But we're a family of late bloomers.

I didn't until I was 14. Nor did Olive.

Why does that matter? I'm adopted.

What? Oh, my God. Who told you?

Guys, we were gonna do this

at the right time.

Listen to me.

Sometimes, even when a man and

a woman love each other very much...

...like your mother and I used to...

...their insides just don't cooperate

with each other.

So, what's going on, honey?

Why do you want us to take a bullet

if anyone asks if you were here?

It's nothing. It's just the rumor mill.

What's the rumor mill churning out

these days? Anything interesting?

You know, not really. Not really.

It's a little low on grist.

Clever wordplay. I like it.

You must be related to me.

- Only by marriage.

- Give it to me.

So, what we're all gonna take away

from this:

- I was here all weekend, right?

- Yes, yes, yes.

Remember how I told you

Google Earth couldn't find me...

... if I was dressed up

as a ten-story building?

Well, the next day it could find me if I

was dressed as a crack on a sidewalk.

That's the beauty of being

a girl in high school.

People hear you had sex once

and, bam, you're a bimbo.

I really didn't mean for the lie

to put me on the map...

... but I gotta admit,

I kind of liked being on the map.

So, clearly Nathaniel Hawthorne

is a complex writer.

Even I had trouble with him.

I read him originally when I was 5,

but I struggled.

So I'm gonna break it down for you.

I'm gonna throw some rhymes.

Anson, drop me a beat.

- What?

- Give me a beat.

Push it up.

Yeah, adultery, vengeance

Crimes of passion

Kill the beat.

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