Dumb and Dumber To

There he is again.

Almost two decades and he still comes.

So sad.

How you doing, buddy?

Brought you all your favorite candies.

Come on, Lloyd, you gotta get over her!

Mary Samsonite was just a girl.

Besides, she's married.

And even if it had worked out,

would you really want

ginger babies? Ugh.

Gross.

Man, you gotta give me something!

Lloyd, I got something

important to tell you.

I can't come here anymore.

I got kind of a serious medical problem.

It's sort of complicated.

Basically, I'm gonna be pretty

busy for the next few months.

anyway...

You're in good hands here. So...

Take care, buddy.

Lloyd, did you say something?

I got you.

That's it, kid. You can do it.

Come on, come on, come on! Spit it out!

Got ya!

What?

You should see the look on your face!

I got you so good!

Wait a second!

Are you telling me that you

were faking for 20 years?

Uh-huh.

So you mean that you just wasted

the best years of your life?

Out the window!

And you let me come here every

Wednesday for, like, a thousand weeks,

and it was all just for a gag?

Uh-huh.

That's

awesome!

I know!

You gotta admit, I totally

had you suckered, didn't I?

Hook, line and sphincter!

on, oh. on! on, oh. on.

Legs are a little rubbery after

all that time sitting here.

Why don't you roll me inside?

We'll get the nurse to take

the catheter out of me. Oh.

I wanna see if my lizard's

still spitting straight.

We don't need nurses for

that. I know how to do it.

But don't you have to...

Oh, God!

That thing's really taken root!

Hey, fellas!

Give me a hand over here. Si.

Yankos los pee-pee.

Are you sure about Ms, Hat'?

Usually, doctors like

to do this sort of thing.

Oh, that's just for insurance purposes.

On three. Three!

You are a fricking genius, Lloyd!

I mean, nobody else could

have pulled that off!

Eh! nobody!

I mean, the shock treatments,

the partial lobotomy!

That's commitment! Yeah.

It broke up the monotony.

One thing I don't get, though.

Why did you play it

out for 20 whole years?

Because it wouldn't have been

funny if I stopped too soon.

Comedy is all about timing, Har.

Yeah, but wouldn't it still have

been funny if you quit after 10 years?

Oh, definitely. But not as!

Whoa!

Pretty bird.

Crap on toast! Pretty bird.

Is that grown-up

Billy in 4-C? Uh-huh.

Come on, Siskel, give me a movie quote.

What did they say in Jerry Maguire?

"You had me at hello. "

Um, Titanic?

"I'm king of the world. "

Good job!

We better tiptoe past him.

Oh, no, you can't tiptoe past a blindy.

Their hearing's too good.

What? Mmm-hmm.

That's just an old wives' tale.

Like women shouldn't

smoke during pregnancy.

I turned out fine. My

mom smoked like a chimney.

Especially when she was drinking!

Whatever. Doesn't matter.

Billy's over the whole Petey thing.

You should see his apartment.

He's got the best rare

bird collection in Rhody!

I gotta see this.

Hey, Billy!

I hear you got a lot of flocking birds.

Is that you, Lloyd?

Very good.

I didn't think you'd recognize

me after all these years.

So what have you been up to, buddy boy?

Seen any good movies lately?

I mean, you know, like...

On the radio?

What was that?

Did you just feed them something?

Relax.

It's just a little candy.

You can't feed candy to birds!

Their stomachs will explode!

Even if it's just a few Pop Rocks?

Are you crazy? Pick those up!

Pick them up! All right, all right!

Sheesh.

Well, nice catching up.

See you later.

Not if I see you first!

Ha-ha! Good one!

No, no, no, it's okay, Siskel.

Daddy's not gonna let

him get anywhere near you.

Rate this script:4.0 / 2 votes