EXT. PROVIDENCE, RHODE ISLAND - WINTER MORNING
A PRETTY YOUNG WOMAN is standing on the street corner waiting for a bus. She's carrying
books and looking very collegiate.
A black stretch LIMOUSINE with darkened windows drives past, SLAMS ON ITS BRAKES,
and backs up. The Young Woman stares at her reflection in the windows, wondering what this is
Finally, the REAR PASSENGER WINDOW zips down, revealing LLOYD CHRISTMAS, age
30. He's a pleasant-enough looking guy, if a little shaggy. He's wearing a dark suit.
Excuse me, can you tell me how to get
to the medical school? I'm supposed
to be giving a lecture in twenty
minutes and my driver's a bit lost.
(heavy European accent)
Go straight aheads and makes a left
over za bridge.
Lloyd checks out her body.
I couldn't help noticing the accent.
You from Jersey?
Austria? You're kidding.
Well, g'day, mate. What do you say
we get together later and throw a few
shrimp on the barbie.
The Young Woman turns her back to him and walks away.
Guess I won't be going Down Under
He SIGHS and zips the window back up.
Lloyd climbs through the driver's partition into the front seat. Then he puts a CHAUFFEUR'S
CAP on his head and drives away. We see that HE'S THE DRIVER!
The dispatch radio CRACKLES TO LIFE:
Carr 22, come in, car 22�
Lloyd grabs his CB mike.
This is 22.
22, where the hell are you, Lloyd?
You're running late on the East Side
Cool your jets, Arnie. I'm on my
Well hurry it up. And make sure you park legally. One more ticket and
your ass is history.
EXT. MUTT CUTS DOG SALON - DAY
This building is white with black spots on it, like a DALMATION. Over the front door is an
awning shaped like a DOG'S SNOUT, whiskers included. A van pulls up outside.
The vehicle is decorated like a GIANT POODLE, with four legs hanging off the sides, a tail in the
rear, and a dog's snout on the front grill. MUTT CUTS is written on the side of it.
HARRY DUNNE climbs out. He's in his early 30s and dressed in a ridiculous BEAGLE
COSTUME, including a CAP WITH FLOPPY EARS. He goes to the rear of the van, opens it,
and a swarm of DOGS pile out.
Okay, gang, single file. You know
No pushing, no humping,
and no sniffing heinies�
The door to the shop opens and Harry's annoyed boss, MR. PALMER, sticks his head out.
Hey, why aren't those mutts on
The same reason you're not on a
leash, sir � because it's demeaning
and it chafes like hell.
Just get them in here now! They all
have to be bathed and clipped in an
Palmer disappears back inside. Harry CALLS to the dogs but they pay no attention. He struggles
to keep them from wandering off. He grabs a couple of SMALL POOCHES and sits them on a
You kids stay right here�
As he turns to round up the other, we discover that the wall isn't a wall � it's a flatbed truck. The
truck drives away, taking the two dogs with it.
Hey, wait a minute!
Harry chases after the vehicle.
EXT. EAST SIDE ESTATE - DAY
Lloyd Christmas pulls the limousine into a long, tree-lined driveway. He gets out and looks up in
awe at an IMPRESSIVE STONE MANSION. He WHISTLES to himself, then walks to the front
door and RINGS THE BELL.
The double-front doors of the mansion open and MARY SWANSON appears. She's 25 and
gorgeous. Lloyd's jaw drops open when he lays eyes on her.