Drunk Wedding

Synopsis: John and Elissa's perfect destination wedding is derailed when their college friends get drunk on tequila.
Genre: Comedy
Director(s): Nick Weiss
Production: Paramount Pictures
81 min

Customer service, how can I help you?

Yeah. Hi, my name's Phil

and I'm a filmmaker,

and I just bought your camera.

And I think it's broken,

to tell you the truth, 'cause it's...

What exactly is the problem?

Well, there's no picture, okay, bud?

It's just... I'm just seeing black.

These buttons don't seem to be

doing anything, you know?

Sir, did you remove the lens cap?

Did that fix if?

No. Thanks, though, it's...

I'll figure it out.

Hi. My name's Phil.

I live here with my wife Daphne.

She's a great gal.

Daphne's little sister, Elissa...

Hot. She's getting married

to this great guy named Jon.

Jon, man, you're marrying

my wife's sister,

which makes us brothers.

They're doing a destination wedding.

That means, you go somewhere

and you get married.

And they're going to Nicaragua,

which means

they're going to Nicaragua.

I thought, "Hey, let's get

a whole mess of cameras",

"send them to, you know,

out to all the friends"

"and just have 'em film

all the craziness we get into."

Put it all together in, like,

a nice little wedding video

for the guys 'cause...

- Phil?

- They're both special to me.

- That's Daph.

- Hey!

Where are you?

- Hey-

- Hey-

- Hey. How are you?

- What's going on?

- What's that? A camera?

- Yes, isn't that cool?

Where'd you get a camera?

I got a camera at Best Buy,

where electronics are sold.

- Yeah?

- Yeah.

How did the interview go?

Well, I got a camera.

So you got the job?

They're gonna... It's on file.

Why did you buy

a ton of cameras today?

I told you, I wanted to do

a Jon and Elissa video.

I'm gonna make them

an epic wedding video...

No, you're not. No, you're not.

- I'm returning these.

- ...with the cameras.

- I'm returning them.

- Hey, no, you're not, 'cause I...

I threw out all the boxes,

and there are only receipts.

Okay, well,

I'll sell 'em on Craigslist, then.

Baby, don't do that!

What's up, everyone?

Johnny and I, we've been boys ever since

we were roommates in college.

You getting married, brother. I love you.

Sarah here with

my fantastic boyfriend, Ivan.

I can't believe

you're actually getting married.

- Have you seen my passport?

- No, I haven't.

They live eight blocks away,

but they have to get married

in Central America.

- Baby?

- Yeah?

Who's making the trip to Nicaragua?

- Fancy shirt.

- Yeah.

We're gonna have a good time

this weekend, aren't we?

Yeah, yeah.

You've got, like, yogurt.


- Hey! What's up, dude?

- How you doin', man?

- It's been a long time, look at you.

- Give me a hug.

It's so good to see you.

I am tearing that ass apart

this weekend.

Okay, it's rolling. Get out here.

Yeah, baby.

- Come on.

- Is that good?

It's... Yeah.

- We're getting married.

- I know.

Get on the bed.

- Let's turn the camera off.

- No.

Seriously? You wanna make a sex tape?

Yeah, babe.

- You're...

- So cute...


That was really hard!

I'm a slut.

You're a slut.

You're such a big slut right now.

I am. Don't laugh at me.

- I am marrying a slut.

- You are.

You ready to meet my oldest

and best friend in the whole world?

Hell, yeah.

Oh, my God, it's incredible here.

Oh, my God.

What are you doing?

It's a wedding! It's a wedding!

- Oh, my God!

- What the f***, dude!

We are getting married!

- Are you naked?

- Come on, Linc.

- Are you naked?

- Get the f*** out.

I'm gonna kill you!

- Man, it's good to see you.

- Get off!

- Dude, I've got a boner.

- I know. I can feel it.

I couldn't wait any longer.

You f***ing sick bastard.

- Hi, Maggie.

- Hi.

Hi, I'm sorry about this.

I mean, we're used to it with Linc.

Wait, what flight did you get in?

We didn't fly. I drove.

Down through Texas,

crossed the border at Ciudad Jurez.

Dude, you drove to Nicaragua?

Yeah, been on the road three weeks.

I didn't have money.

I didn't have 800 bucks

to spend on a plane ticket.

- I'm not gonna miss your wedding.

- I love you, man.



So you and Jon have

known each other a long time, yeah?

Long time. Since our tween years, right?

But you're meeting these other guys,

like, for the first time, like me?

- Like these guys?

- There he is!

- What's up?

- Hi.

- Yeah!

- What's on?

We all know what happens

when this guy's around.

Yeah, we've ripped it before,

spring breaks, ski trips.

Sh*t's gotta get weird this weekend.

I want you on lock, Linc.

Here's the key, my man.

Totally. Yeah, take my key, too, man.


- Everybody take a shot.

- One shot for me.

- I'm getting married tomorrow.

- Yes.

You are.

Yes, Nicaragua.

The thing about this group of friends is,

we were kids together, you know?

And now you guys are the first ones

in the group to get married.

That's like a wake-up call.

We're adults now.

Look at that hot little boy.

I wanna sit on his face.

- Yup.

- Maybe.

We met on the way down

at a bar in Las Cruces.

Yeah, you got so charming

after the shot of mescal.

So are you, like, together now?

- Sort of.

- Yeah, it's a flexible situation.

Well, I'm a monogamous, so hands off.


Look at those

pretty Bloom sisters together.

- Hi.

- Hey.

Six blessed years.

- Six years?

- We've been together for six years.

Gee, that's two years longer

than Jon and Elissa, right?

They're getting married.

Thanks for your observation, Phil.

Well, hello, tiny dancer.

- You liking it?

- Let's see. Turn around.

Hold me closer, Cal.

You look amazing.

Runner up, Miss Cuba.

Gotta love it.

- You have no bulge.

- This is perfect.

It's not a vagina, guys.

- My man, you know what?

- It's a...


Poor Ivan.

- I'm gonna party!

- Oh, my God.

Honey, where's your phone?

It's in my collar pocket.

- Stupid move.

- Well, I didn't do it on purpose, Daphne.

Jon, seriously,

how did this strange person

beat me out for best man?

- Really? Really?

- You never had a chance!

I had a lunchbox in middle school

with Beavis on it.

It is a spitting image

of this guy right here.

Do it, do it.

It's really good.

Yeah, yeah, it's... Oh, yeah.

Baby, they're here, they're here!


- Mrs. Carr. Mrs. Carr?

- Hi.


Right there.

- Mr. Bloom, it's amazing, sir!

- It's gorgeous.

It's f***ing paradise.

Let's cut the crap, you guys.

I know you're nothing but trouble.

I know your reputation.

Whenever you guys are around,

bad things happen.

I know about Nassau,

I know about the motorcycle incident,

- I know about the fire at Sugarbush.

- That wasn't our fault.

I saw the police report, Linc.

You know, Elissa's my little princess.

- She's great. Beautiful girl.

- Fell from heaven.

And this Wedding's gonna be perfect.

And I don't want you jackasses

to do anything to ruin it.

Mr. Bloom?

He got nicer.

- We're home, boys.

- What?

This is what I'm talking about.

This is crazy stuff.

- That is so...

- You know what? Stop it.

- No, no.

- Stop it.

- We are staying here.

- I know.

- Oh, my God.

- That is just not real.

Can I get a minute,

and then I'll take these upstairs?

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Anthony Weiss

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Submitted on August 05, 2018

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