Drop Dead Fred Page #3

---

Mother, are you going to be doing

any gardening today?

Well, it is a lovely day for it.

The death breath.

She killed me with the death breath.

Be gone, evil one!

Hey, maybe theres a steak in there.

We can drive it through her heart.

Brrrr!

Phew.

Uh!

My head! The megabitch squashed my head!

The b*tch. She squashed my head.

The evil one reigns supreme.

Theres nothing I can do.

Aah! Phew.

Wow.

Cobwebs.

Whats so funny?

Nothing. Would you come

sit here with me, Mother?

- Go away.

- You want me to go away?

All right. Fine. Say the magic words and Ill piss off.

- Piss off.

- Gotcha. Those werent the magic words.

- What did you say to me?

- She told you to piss off. Are you deaf?

I said piss off but I did not say it to you.

Well, its no wonder Charles left you.

You just dont know how to make a marriage work.

You got married? You mean

youve been doing it like the pigeons? No.

Yuck!

There they are. Which one of you two did it?

Was it you?

Whoever taught her how to do it

is going to get flattened.

There! Come back!

Shes absolutely insane.

- Pigeon pie for you.

- Fred, stop!

So you got married.

Snot face grew up and got married.

Fred, what are you doing here?

Im stuck cos your stupid, ugly, fat,

grown-up husband has left you.

So youre all alone and youre all unhappy.

I had to come back and I cant get home again

until youre happy. Why dont you get happy?

OK.

The only thing that could make me happy

would be getting Charles back.

- All right. Lets get Charles back. I'll help you.

- OK.

- Youll help me?

- Yeah, Ill help you.

When have you ever helped me?

- All the time. Thats what I do.

- Youve never helped me.

- Excuse me. Yes, I have.

- Did not.

- Did so.

- You did not.

- I did.

- You did not.

- Did not, did not, did not!

- I did, I did, I did!

Right, thats it. I hate you.

- Ow!

- Goodbye forever. I hope you die horribly.

Fred, come back.

Fred!

You dont want me anymore? Well, fine.

Ill throw myself in front of

the first... fire truck that I can see.

- Fred.

- Youre going to be sorry.

- Go ahead.

- Goodbye.

Argh!

What have I done?

Wake up.

Snot face, wake up. Wake up!

- What is it?

- Its time to play burglars.

- Real burglars?

- Real burglars.

The kind that wear sweaters

and Buster Browns. Look.

Da-da!

I made your sweater stripy.

Great.

- What is it?

- Look.

Its a burglar bag.

Nigel. Nigel!

I think I heard something.

What are we doing this for?

Glues. OK. Its perfect.

Lets go. Well steal gold

and well steal silver and well steal jewels

and hide them where

no one will ever find them, including us.

Promise?

I promise.

Lets go, burglar.

This is very expensive.

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes