Driving Lessons Page #3

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what the Romans called them.

Stop that bus!

Are these

the best available seats?

I must say I prefer

to sit nearer the front.

I say, I would prefer

to sit nearer the front.

Since nobody appears to be moving,

I suppose we shall have to make do.

Goodness me,

somebody forgot to wash.

Oof!

Lovely London.

Sweetie? Christmas in a lick.

No, thanks.

For a boy of 17, you show

a lamentable lack of curiosity.

No doubt you're suppressed

by your upbringing,

but that's hardly enough to explain

what frankly amounts

to little short of social autism.

I shall have to imagine

your curiosity for you.

You're a healthy 17-year-old boy.

You're not, of course,

but you take my point.

You see an attractive woman

living on her own.

You wonder,

"Is she a roaring lesbian?"

Answer, no.

For your information, I've been

married and divorced three times.

Once to an actor,

once to an English lord,

and once to a Californian.

All work flings.

My mistake.

You, on the other hand,

might well be gay.

I must introduce you to Dougal,

old agent friend of mine.

Hopelessly queer, of course,

but the old-fashioned type.

Bent gent.

I'm not gay.

I beg your pardon?

I'm not gay.

Not gay, apparently.

Can I help?

I wish to see your equipment.

My equipment?

Show me everything you've got.

Wait. Stop.

Ben.

Can you put your

shoulder under my arse?

Always dreamed of camping,

even as a child.

Half in, half out.

Of course, my parents would

never have dreamt of it.

The lower middle classes

are the worst snobs.

You sound faintly Cockney.

Are you?

No.

No. What are you, really?

I don't know.

I mean, middle class, I suppose.

Nothing to be ashamed of.

Middle classes are

the engine room of England.

It's just their

parents I can't stand.

"They flee from me

that sometime did me seek

"With naked foot

stalking in my chamber

"I have seen them gentle,

tame and meek

"That now are wild,

and do not remember

"That sometime

they put themselves in danger

"To take bread at my hand"

Any luck with this one?

Sadly,

your prices are beyond us,

but for your aid and succo

we thank you.

Look, a camping stove.

Come on.

Where on earth have you been?

It's 6:
00.

I got held up.

Got held up?

We had a driving lesson at 4:00.

You should have let me know.

There was nowhere to call from.

If I had a mobile...

Mobiles give you cancer.

Come on. I'll drive.

If I am alive

this time next year

Read that.

We'll have a theory lesson.

Will I have arrived

in time to share

And mine

is about as good this far

And I'm still applied

to what you are

Ben. Where were you

this evening?

We had a driving lesson.

Is that all?

Yes.

Ben, are you asleep?

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