Drive Me Crazy Page #4

with anything requiring batteries.

Rupert:
Ooh!

All right, that's enough.

(thuds)

- (pager beeping)

- Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

- Gotta go.

- What? Wait, wait.

I thought you weren't gonna do

that "safe ride" sh*t this year.

Dude, colleges look

at extracurricular activities, man.

Dave, you're in.

That's not why you do it.

- Oh, yeah? Then why?

- you wanna know why?

It's the same reason you're the manager

of the basketball team...

you wanna be one of them.

Who is this "them"?

People too drunk to drive?

you're with your two best friends

waiting for girls,

one of them quite possibly

Princess Leia,

and you wanna leave so that some jock

will pat you on the head.

- I'm going.

- (engine starts)

You should know that

half the party now believes

you have a part-time job

at a gentlemen's cabaret.

Like it matters.

Drive me home.

you gotta be kidding.

Puke on my leather interior?

I got your ride taken care of.

- This way.

- Prince Charming is a dick.

Bring on the frogs.

Ribbit!

you called for a safe ride?

(slurps)

Okay, watch your head.

I learned that on "Cops."

you know where she lives?

Oh, I think I can find it.

Yo, Designated Dave,

you got room for one more, man?

Sure.

Hey, perhaps we could get you

some fries with that.

Yeah.

Fries, a Coke and...

Boy:

What about a milk shake?

Boy #2:

Get yourself a Happy Meal.

Girl gets two-faced boy

in back seat.

Violence anticipated.

There are rules, you know?

- Rules?

- Rules.

- What rules?

- Seniors rule!

you don't send Designated Dave

to ask if I'll go with you

if you don't plan on

following through with the offer.

I was going to.

I was going to.

(stammers) It's just that...

- (stammers) He just...

- Shut up!

I don't know.

I... I fell in love.

(scoffs)

So I heard.

High school love is for saps, Brad,

or haven't you heard?

Now I'm left alone with

the embarrassment and alienation

of having to go stag to one

of the biggest nights of our lives?

Not very likely.

I might as well skip it.

Turn that thing off or I'm gonna go

Sean young on your ass!

- (beeps)

- I think she means Sean Penn.

- That's good. Sean young scares me.

- (laughs)

Yuck it up, clowns.

yeah, if you enjoy

my humiliation,

Monday at Time Zone

should be a real "hootenin."

It's hootenanny.

I'm sorry. Look, I...

(Brad sighs)

Hey, can you just

drop me off here?

But we're still a couple blocks

away from your house.

you heard the man.

- (imitating Scarface) Okay, bye, meng.

- Vaya con dios.

- Later, Chase.

- Nicole, wait.

If your mom's awake,

she's gonna see right through

that Dean Martin impression.

I'll sneak you through the back.

What?

Her car's not here.

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