Dream Wife Page #5

Whenever we're in the same room long enough.

I make it a practice to take May little presents

every now and then.

It's something I picked up from her first husband.

He told me about it in court.

It does help keep her quiet.

Of course I think you fellows are all wrong.

Take it from the veteran with the service stripes.

No, no, let's hear what the newlywed has to say.

Go ahead, shoot.

Well, I've only been married a year, but

I think you can make a marriage anything you want it to be.

Of course the trick is to find a girl like Louise.

When I go home at night

I know she's there waiting for me.

It's got feeling.

It doesn't matter what we do, we always have fun.

Sometimes we'll take a walk somewhere,

or maybe go to a movie.

Maybe we'll just stay home

in front of the fire and read.

It's great.

And then sometimes, when we're in the mood,

we three of us go to a nightclub.

The three of you?

Why, yes.

My mother-in-law lives with us.

Now wait a minute, fellows.

We shouldn't talk like this in front of Clem.

He's gonna be a bridegroom next week.

No, I'm not.

Effie and I called the whole thing off last night.

Oh, I'm sorry, Clem. I'm really sorry.

Why are you sorry?

You just got finished showing me how lucky I am.

There isn't one of you can look me straight in the eye

and tell me you're happily married.

You've had to make a million compromises.

Why do we always have to cater to women?

We put them on pedestals,

we make up cockeyed rules about the weaker sex.

You get into an elevator with one of the weaker sex

and you take off our hat in some kind of pagan tribute.

Twenty minutes later the same delicate female is driving

a taxicab through traffic and cursing like a muleskinner.

We keep treating them like flowers

and they keep outliving us.

Right now they control 70% of the wealth

of this country and are they satisfied?

No, they want to control the country.

They're Ambassadors, they're in the senate,

they're even in the State Department.

That fight with Effie must have been a lulu.

No, I'm glad it happened.

We were all wrong for each other.

We both saw that last night.

Most people are afraid to face such problems.

They get married, find out they don't belong together

then they have to get a divorce.

You took a shortcut.

There must be a girl somewhere who thinks

it's a wonderful career just to have a home and babies,

whose only thought is to make her husband happy.

That kind of girl went out with the cavemen.

Only if they had money.

Clem!

Clem?

What's the matter?

Suppose there were a girl like that.

Suppose I had found a girl who was trained

from the day she was born

to be a dream wife. What would you say?

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