Downtime Page #5

Except, of course, he wasn't Jesus...

he was just an old, purple handkerchief.

I was a very bored kid

with a hyperactive little mind.

Pat, go on.

Yeah? Are you coming?

To the shop, on a date?

All right.

Only if you let me buy you a milk.

Don't do this.

What the f*** did you do that for?

You better at pushing little

f***ing buttons, are you?

Great looking f***ing Madonna

look alike, all right?

So I give it all the lines, then

she goes "f*** off you wanker".

F*** off you wanker!

Propper posh voice, y 'know...

Aye, but tits and arse,

the lot, right?

Tits, arse, f***ing legs right up

to her, bum, mate.

"So, so, so f*** off you wanker!"

So, I've gans... "aye, tonight

I am a wanker... thanks to you!"

"Thanks to you", man,

that's f***ing funny that!

Ma, you pressed it this time.

"Tonight I'm a wanker

thanks to you" Johnny.

Do you not get it, Johnny man?

What's the matter, boy?

Have you not started

wanking yet, eh?

F*** off, Jacko, I've been wanking

since I was 12.

Well you must be f***ing tired.

Oh aye... where the f***

have you been?

What's that mark there?

- Me dad hit us.

- Your dad hit ya?

Your dad's a soft shite but...

Never f***ing hit me, did he?

Nah, that's cos I'd have

f***ing killed him.

I just pushed him and he fell over.

Your mum and dad got

what they f***ing deserved.

Anyway, she gans... "aye... and you

can wank all the way to the bank."

I, I don't know why like.

Doesn't mean nowt.

I mean it rhymes but it's like crap.

I'm just, sorry, I've got wide feet.

Really sore... unless I wear sandals.

Or grey socks for some reason.

Can l, can I take?

No.

- Rosey, why are we not there yet?

- Roy's coming. Just wait.

Didn't complete the game card.

Well I can tell you that we actually

got the game card and checked it.

- And you didn't win.

- No!

Had to tease you there.

But I can now give you a cheque

for 1,000 pounds.

- Well done, Jason.

- Thank you. Thank you.

It's all right, Rosey...

we're going soon.

Chrissy, why does he keep

calling you Rosey?

Rob, after 30 years of building roads

Pat here is only deaf, not senile.

Rosey was my nickname in the factory.

Why?

Because... Well, cos... well, I was the

only one who didn't have a nickname.

Well, one day my sister turned up

and she's like really fat, big bones

and someone said we looked

like Roseanne and her sister.

Yeah, but surely that makes

her Roseanne and you...

Can't remember her sister's name,

can ya? Neither could they.

Keep looking at your watch, don't ya?

Yeah. I'm, I'm supposed to

be meeting a friend quite soon.

A friend... Right. What time?

There you go again.

That won't tell you when you're

meeting him, will it?

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