Down to Earth

Synopsis: It seems everyone is trying to get into heaven; at least those whose time is up. For Lance Barton, a struggling comedian and bicycle messenger, it's the last thing on his mind. His due date upstairs is 50 years away. In the meantime, he's got big dreams to pursue on Earth, such as landing a slot at the final Amateur Night Contest at the famed Apollo Theatre. Lance's has one little problem though - he ain't that funny. Thanks to an over-cautious emissary from heaven, Mr. Keyes, he's going to get hit (literally) with a much bigger problem. Showing that even God has difficulty finding good help these days, the inept minion mistakenly plucks Lance from a traffic accident - before it takes place. Transporting him to the Pearly Gates, or more accurately, the velvet roped-lines of the hottest club around, the error is finally addressed by Mr. King, the streetwise, no-nonsense head angel who manages the place from his plush windowed office. Since returning to his own body on Earth is impossibl
Genre: Comedy, Fantasy
Director(s): Chris Weitz, Paul Weitz
Production: Paramount Pictures
  3 nominations.
Rotten Tomatoes:
87 min


- Everything | - Everything

- Is everything | - Is everything

What is meant to be will be


- After winter | - After winter

- Must come spring | - Must come spring

Change, it comes eventually

- Hey there, little Becky. Hey, Tiger. | - Hi, Jimmy.

Hi, Mrs. Ross, Mr. Ross. | How are you?

- Deliveries in the back. | - Excuse me?

You heard me. | Deliveries in the back.

Why do you think | I'm a messenger?

No, no, no, really. | Why do you just...

assume I'm a messenger?

Is it impossible for me to have | a friend that lives here?

Would that be | out of the question?

To have an old college chum | that lives upstairs...

that I'm comin' by to see | just to talk about old times?

To have a little cocoa? | Would that upset you?

What's wrong? | I can't have no cocoa?

I don't look like | I like cocoa?

What's wrong with me just comin' here | tryin' to have some cocoa?

I'm sorry, sir. I just- I- | Who did you come here to see?

Nobody. Delivery | for Charles Wellington.

Deliveries in the back.

Let me tell you that | everything is everything

- Look out! Look out! | - What's up, man?

Everything is everything

Welcome to Amateur Night at the Apollo.

Y'all ready for a show?

There's no way we're | part of the same place

We're part of the same time

We both have the same blood

We both have the same mind

And time and time

We've had so much to share

No, no, no, no

I'm not wakin' up | tomorrow mornin'

And findin' there's nobody there

No, no, no, no way

And you and you and you

You're gonna love me

Oh, yes, you are

Thank you.

Peace. I'm outta here.

Let's hear it, Apollo, for Phil Quon.

- Congratulations, you killed. | - Thanks, Booey.

Phil Quon. Show your love.

- They're not gonna boo me off, right? | - Did I say that?

- I mean, anything could happen. | - Yeah, anything could happen,

like they invent a new boo | that's silent.

What? Huh? What? | What are you looking at?

This girl I met at the Shark Bar | last night. I told her to come down.

Damn, she's skinny. Until y'all | have sex, she just might start a fire.

Our next act is a comedian. | How about a hand for Mr. Lance Barton?

- What is that? What's with the hat? | - You don't like the hat?

You look like you're gonna tie somebody | to the railroad tracks.

I need style. Nobody wants to see Lance | Barton, bike messenger from Bed-Stuy.

People want to see | Lance Barton, comedian.

- What people? | - Lance Barton people.

Lance Barton, everybody. | Come on.

- No boos. | - No boos.

- Here comes Booey. | - Let's get ready.

Lance Barton, everybody.

Don't touch me, man.

Hey, what's up, Apollo?

Where'd you get that hat, man?

Yeah. Yeah, all right. So, uh-

How come every time...

a airplane crash,

all they can ever find | is the black box?

Why don't they just make | the whole plane out of the black box?

Yeah. I got roaches. | Who here got roaches?

Everybody got roaches, man. | It's Harlem.

Yeah. Yeah, | everybody got roaches.

Yeah, man. I got some roaches | in my house, man.

Roaches so big, one roach | got drafted in the second round.

Get your ass offstage, Booey. | That shit ain't funny.


Hey, you suck!

Come on. Hold it together.

I know this girl so ugly, | she had to wear makeup on the radio.


All by myself

Don't wanna be

- All by myself | - No!

- Ow! Ow! Hey! | - Anymore

All by myself

You out there with a new hat. | You need a new act.

Well, if I'm so unfunny, | how come you're still my manager?

Lance, you're funny... offstage.

- But onstage, you're, um- | - I'm what?

You're afraid. See, you're afraid | of being yourself, and they can tell.

Rate this script:(0.00 / 0 votes)

Chris Rock

Christopher Julius Rock III (born February 7, 1965) is an American comedian, actor, writer, producer, and director. After working as a standup comic and appearing in small film roles, Rock came to wider prominence as a cast member of Saturday Night Live in the early 1990s. He went on to more prominent film appearances, with starring roles in Down to Earth (2001), Head of State (2003), The Longest Yard (2005), the Madagascar film series (2005–2012), Grown Ups (2010), its sequel Grown Ups 2 (2013), Top Five (2014), and a series of acclaimed comedy specials for HBO. He developed, wrote, and narrated the sitcom Everybody Hates Chris (2005–2009), which was based on his early life. Rock hosted the 77th Academy Awards in 2005 and the 88th in 2016. He has won four Emmy Awards and three Grammy Awards. He was voted the fifth-greatest stand-up comedian in a poll conducted by Comedy Central. He was also voted in the United Kingdom as the ninth-greatest stand-up comic on Channel 4's 100 Greatest Stand-Ups in 2007, and again in the updated 2010 list as the eighth-greatest stand-up comic. more…

All Chris Rock scripts | Chris Rock Scripts

FAVORITE (0 fans)

Submitted on August 05, 2018

Discuss this script with the community:



    Translate and read this script in other languages:

    Select another language:

    • - Select -
    • 简体中文 (Chinese - Simplified)
    • 繁體中文 (Chinese - Traditional)
    • Español (Spanish)
    • Esperanto (Esperanto)
    • 日本語 (Japanese)
    • Português (Portuguese)
    • Deutsch (German)
    • العربية (Arabic)
    • Français (French)
    • Русский (Russian)
    • ಕನ್ನಡ (Kannada)
    • 한국어 (Korean)
    • עברית (Hebrew)
    • Gaeilge (Irish)
    • Українська (Ukrainian)
    • اردو (Urdu)
    • Magyar (Hungarian)
    • मानक हिन्दी (Hindi)
    • Indonesia (Indonesian)
    • Italiano (Italian)
    • தமிழ் (Tamil)
    • Türkçe (Turkish)
    • తెలుగు (Telugu)
    • ภาษาไทย (Thai)
    • Tiếng Việt (Vietnamese)
    • Čeština (Czech)
    • Polski (Polish)
    • Bahasa Indonesia (Indonesian)
    • Românește (Romanian)
    • Nederlands (Dutch)
    • Ελληνικά (Greek)
    • Latinum (Latin)
    • Svenska (Swedish)
    • Dansk (Danish)
    • Suomi (Finnish)
    • فارسی (Persian)
    • ייִדיש (Yiddish)
    • հայերեն (Armenian)
    • Norsk (Norwegian)
    • English (English)


    Use the citation below to add this screenplay to your bibliography:


    "Down to Earth" STANDS4 LLC, 2021. Web. 20 Apr. 2021. <>.

    We need you!

    Help us build the largest writers community and scripts collection on the web!

    Watch the movie trailer

    Down to Earth

    The Marketplace:

    Sell your Script !

    Get listed in the most prominent screenplays collection on the web!


    The Studio:

    ScreenWriting Tool

    Write your screenplay and focus on the story with many helpful features.

    Thanks for your vote! We truly appreciate your support.