Doug Stanhope: Deadbeat Hero

Synopsis: Doug Stanhope performs at Seattle's Comedy Underground
Director(s): Shawn Amos
 
IMDB:
8.4
NOT RATED
Year:
2004
95 min
45 Views

1

Doug Stanhope. "Deadbeat hero", 2004.

Liberty

1a.The condition of being free from restriction or control

b.The right and power to act, believe,

or express oneself in a manner of one's own choosing

The condition of being physically and legally

free from confinement, servitude, or forced labor.

Thanks.

Do you work hard all week?

Don't do that.

Don't drink on weekends, you don't.

People come up Friday, Saturday... Don't drink.

If you gotta feel like shit tomorrow,

drink Sunday trough Thursday.

If you gonna you'll feel like shit,

do it on the company done.

What do you gonna on Monday morning,

when you need to be wide awake and alert for?

"Well, I deliver Pepsi products".

Well do it with a hangover.

F*ck them, drink on the job.

F*cking waste your nice weekend?

You'd be doing some good for youself.

I'm only drinking tonight just to keep up

my Cal Ripken like perfect attendance straight. [??]

It's just token, you know?

Whatever, don't do shit you hate, people.

Work jobs they hate.

There's another way.

Whatever it is you do...

F*ckin' quit.

Go on Monday and steal a bunch of shit, and quit.

If you don't absolutely love it,

if you wouldn't do it for free...

And steal big shit too.

Don't grab some stationary and paperclips,

just to make a statement.

Grab some big cash registers

and computer monitors, and get out f*ck out.

People talk to you, they try to convince you

that they like what they do,

just cause it sucks less than what

they've used to do that sucked along.

They'll try to convince like it's gonna

make them really enjoy it.

"I love my job". They regurgitate you that

guidance counsellor taught them in high school

that guided them into the shitty job they begin with.

And they regurgitate it all that red[??].

They say "I like my job at Banana Republic."

"Because I get to work with people..."

Work with people?

You stack pants, for f*ck's sake!

People you meet say "I'm just looking"

and they try to get away from you.

Work with people...

Go to whore or something.

I had two women walk out of a show in Minneapolis.

Which is nothing out of the ordinary.

People will leave this.

I go on stage it's like I'm leading you into battle:

You not all are gonna be here at the end.

Just try not to take it too seriously.

Eventually I'm gonna hate the subject

and you're gonna be queer about.

Don't. Just wait for the next joke.

Go take a piss, whatever you have to do.

Don't get all upset.

I am probably wrong about half the shit I say.

You could find me to be an hypocrite about...

I will call you stupid for not knowing

shit that I just found out yesterday.

"You f*cking people don't pick-up? You don't read

conspiracytheory.com, you f*cking losers?

I read that yesterday, I'm smart."

I had two women walk out of the show in Minneapolis.

And again, it wasn't because...

It wasn't something I said.

Some people just show up places to complain.

That's their form of entertainment.

Is complaining.

They just can't wait to bitch.

And these women walked out and they caused a rock[??]

with the manager in the lobby because I'm drunk.

That's their reason. They're just:

"He's just drunk up there! We didn't pay to see this!"

"Look at him, he's obviously drunk.

He's just drunk, he's that."

I'm not driving a bus motherf*cker, what do you care?

I'm a comic.

I'm saying stuff, words are coming out of my mouth.

It's not like I'm curled up, fiddled[??],

I shit my pants, I...

It's not like I'm a spectacle.

I'm a comic.

What do you give a f*ck?

It's like the steroids in baseball.

What do you give a shit?

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Doug Stanhope

Douglas Stanhope (born March 25, 1967) is an American stand-up comedian, actor, author, and podcast host. more…

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Submitted on August 05, 2018

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