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Doug Stanhope. "Deadbeat hero", 2004.
free from confinement, servitude, or forced labor.
Do you work hard all week?
Don't do that.
Don't drink on weekends, you don't.
People come up Friday, Saturday... Don't drink.
If you gotta feel like shit tomorrow,
If you gonna you'll feel like shit,
do it on the company done.
Well do it with a hangover.
F*ck them, drink on the job.
Fucking waste your nice weekend?
You'd be doing some good for youself.
It's just token, you know?
Whatever, don't do shit you hate, people.
Work jobs they hate.
There's another way.
Whatever it is you do...
If you don't absolutely love it,
if you wouldn't do it for free...
And steal big shit too.
Don't grab some stationary and paperclips,
just to make a statement.
Grab some big cash registers
and computer monitors, and get out f*ck out.
People talk to you, they try to convince you
that they like what they do,
they've used to do that sucked along.
They'll try to convince like it's gonna
"I love my job". They regurgitate you that
And they regurgitate it all that red[??].
They say "I like my job at Banana Republic."
"Because I get to work with people..."
Work with people?
You stack pants, for f*ck's sake!
People you meet say "I'm just looking"
and they try to get away from you.
Work with people...
Go to whore or something.
I had two women walk out of a show in Minneapolis.
Which is nothing out of the ordinary.
People will leave this.
You not all are gonna be here at the end.
Just try not to take it too seriously.
Eventually I'm gonna hate the subject
Don't. Just wait for the next joke.
Go take a piss, whatever you have to do.
Don't get all upset.
I will call you stupid for not knowing
shit that I just found out yesterday.
conspiracytheory.com, you fucking losers?
I read that yesterday, I'm smart."
I had two women walk out of the show in Minneapolis.
And again, it wasn't because...
It wasn't something I said.
That's their form of entertainment.
They just can't wait to bitch.
That's their reason. They're just:
"He's just drunk up there! We didn't pay to see this!"
"Look at him, he's obviously drunk.
He's just drunk, he's that."
I'm not driving a bus motherfucker, what do you care?
I'm a comic.
It's not like I'm curled up, fiddled[??],
I shit my pants, I...
It's not like I'm a spectacle.
I'm a comic.
What do you give a f*ck?
It's like the steroids in baseball.
What do you give a shit?
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"Doug Stanhope: Deadbeat Hero" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2020. Web. 21 Oct. 2020. <https://www.scripts.com/script/doug_stanhope%3A_deadbeat_hero_7181>.