Dom Hemingway

Synopsis: After spending 12 years in prison for keeping his mouth shut, notorious safe-cracker Dom Hemingway is back on the streets of London looking to collect what he's owed.
Genre: Comedy, Crime, Drama
Director(s): Richard Shepard
Production: Fox Searchlight
Rotten Tomatoes:
93 min

Is my cock exquisite?

Oh, cos I think it's

fucking exquisite.

I think it's a fucking work of art.

Like a Renoir.

Or a Picasso.

The painting of my cock

should hang at the Louvre.

They should study my

cock in art classes,

spend whole courses...

studying the splendid contours of

its exquisiteness, don't you think?

They should also study

my cock in science class

cos it defies nature.

My cock is hard.

It's metal, it's steel,

it's titanium.

It does not break.

It does not weaken.

My cock can stand all day

like a good soldier trying

to impress his superiors.

If my cock could win

a medal, it would.

If they could name a school

after it, it should.

If it could save small Somali

children from starving,

it would and should, and it'll have

a Nobel fucking Peace Prize for it,

the first such prize

ever given to a cock.

My Nobel Prize-winning

cook's like a cheetah,

all sleek and dangerous and deadly.

Sonnets should be written about

how dangerous my cheetah cock is.

Poems, plays.

Wars should be won over it,

kingdoms fallen because of it.

My cock is lightning. It is fire.

It is a volcano brewing with

the sacred semen, lava...

Sugar and spice and all things...


Sorry for the lack

of warning, dearie.

Things happen.

Sometimes you expect 'em,

sometimes you don't.

I said, "Give me 200 quid, I'll light

my fag off two fucking fireworks."

- Dickie nips off round the corner...

- Hemingway.

I'm eating my pudding.

I couldn't give a toss

about your pudding.

Put your fork down

and get over 'ere.

I'll put my fork down when I'm

ready to put my fork down.

I'll finish my pudding when I'm

ready to finish my pudding.

You wanna disrespect

me, disrespect me.

But then I won't be able

to tell you what I know.

And I know you'd like

to know what I know.

- What would I like to know?

- Wouldn't you like to know?

- I would like to know.

- Yeah, you would, wouldn't ya?

- Tell me.

- Fork.


Oh, for Christ's sake, Dom,

just put the fork down.

Tell me what it is

you have to tell me.

Call came in.


The call.

The call?

Came in.

Dom! Dom! Dom! Dom!

Oi! Where's Sandy Butterfield?

- Dom? Dom, is that you?

- Where's Sandy Butterfield?

Dom, you really don't wanna...

Where's Sandy Butterfield?


He's still working at the depot.

- Hey, where are you going?

- Where's Sandy Butterfield?

- Sir, I...

- Where's Sandy Butterfield?


So that's what you do, is it, mate?

You f*ck other men's wives

while they're in prison.

That's what you do with yourself,

how you conduct yourself, how

you conduct your business.

- I don't know...

- She was my wife. My wife!

- You were divorced and in jail!

- She was still my wife.

Always my wife, you f*ck.

You fucker! My betrothed.

You're nothing but a pestilence, an

uphill gardener with a weak chin.

You're a filthafising thief,

that's what you are. You

think you can steal from me?

- From me? From Dom Hemingway?

- God...


Hello, Billy.


Hello, Dom. Long time.

Welcome home.


You good? Betty good?


Charlie just graduated university.

Little Charlie with his hair all growing

in his eyes graduated university?

Can you believe it?

I should fucking kill you,

but I fancy a pint instead.

I've got anger issues,

Dickie, I just do.

Always have, haven't I?

I tried to work on 'em, you know,

in prison. Took some classes.

I tried the yoga, inspirational

CDs, I did it all.

But the anger's still inside of me.

I just lost it, I guess.

He married Keethy.

What's a man to do?

Well, I broke his fucking nose.

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Richard Shepard

Richard Shepard (born 1965) is an American film, television director and screenwriter. more…

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Submitted on August 05, 2018

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    "Dom Hemingway" STANDS4 LLC, 2020. Web. 24 Nov. 2020. <>.

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