Disaster L.A. a.k.a. Apocalypse L.A.


So the next story,

the president of the United States...

...left the press conference today

and relocated to an undisclosed location.

Everybody was a little scared...

...because the president doesn't just get up

and leave a press conference.

You know, everyone was terrified

in that conference room.

We don't know

what made the president leave...

...but we deserve some answers,

I think, from the government.

- Hey, what's up, man?

- What's up?

Oh, it's like a V6.

Oh, my God. John. John.

- John.

- Dr. Scott.

- Buddy. Hello, my friend.

- Hey, man. What's up?

- Hold up. Nuts.

- Nut. Nuts.

- How does it feel to be done with school?

- It's awesome.

The school was kicking my ass, though.

That sh*t was wack.

Moving on to bigger and better things now.

Speaking of which, who do we have here?

This is Samantha. Samantha, this is John.

Samantha, um,

lives down the street from you.

I know Samantha.

- Trust me, not only is Scott now a doctor...

- Hold on.

- Veterinarian.

- ...but he's also one of the best guys I know.

I have to warn you that he will find a way

to screw up this conversation.

Don't listen to him, okay?

Because this guy is not full--

He's full of it because really, I'm dirty. Heh.

No, I mean-- I don't mean that

in a sexul way.

Unless you like that. You like that?

I mean, I could be.

See what I mean?

Hey, John. Get your ass over here.

It's time for some shots.

Our presence has been requested

in the kitchen.

Screw up this conversation later.

Don't leave, okay?

Please don't leave. Take a nut.

Everybody, all right, grab a glass.

Grab a glass. Hey, shut up.

Grab a glass. You too, Astrid.

Okay, I'm not one for speeches...

...so I'm gonna keep this short, okay?

For the past year, I've come to know all of you

like a family, okay?

And I love each of you very much,

especially you, man.

Oh, I know. I know.

When we drove out here,

I never would have thought...

...I'd be the only one left still unemployed.

- Big surprise.

- So having said that...

...I'll strike a little deal

with you guys, okay?

The first person--

The first person who gets me a job,

I will let have sex with my blow-up doll.

- Yeah!

- Okay.

- Okay, that's-- Put her away. Put her away.

- Just a joke, John.

I'm just trying to have fun with the people.

Okay, raise them high and toast to friends--

Correction. Family.

Family, good tunes...

...good brew and the best firsts...

...anybody can ever hope to have

in a new city. Cheers.

- Yeah!

- Get them up there.

Seconds? Who wants seconds?

I'll keep these going all night.

- Going all night?

- John.

What's the deal, man?

Didn't you guys break up,

like, two weeks ago?

- Dude, I can go kick his ass if you want.

- No, I'm fine, you guys.

This is a celebration, right?

- And we're celebrating.

- Copy that, brother.

So there.

- Do it, man.

- I'll be right back.

- Hey, hey, yeah.

- No f***ing serious.



John, hi. How are you?

Good. Good. Things are, uh, really good.

- How about yourself?

- Good. Yeah. Yeah.

I'd just been really busy with school

and other stuff. Heh.

Yeah. Uh....

So who is your friend here?

Oh, God. I'm sorry. This is Jacob.

Jacob, nice to meet you. I'm John.

Tori told me a lot about you.

I just want you to know

that, uh, she's in good hands.

Really? That's good to hear.

Very comforting.

- Look, I hope that this isn't awkward--

- No.

No, no, no, this-- It's fine, right?

We're all adults.

Let's skip it. Ah.

So, Jacob, can I get you anything to drink?

Glad you asked.

Kind of feeling a Long Island Iced Tea.

I'm not gonna lie.

- Heh.

- Heh. All right, that's a....

I'll go get that for you.

- Long Island Iced Tea.

- It's like he never heard of it before.

What a rookie.

So, what's the verdict?

You know, what I thought, typical frat boy.

He looks like a cowgirl with that shirt.

I could take his head, dunk him in our toilet.

- Are you okay?

- Yeah, I'm fine.

I know it's hard, but it's a big city

and there are plenty of good girls out there.

- You just need one. Just one.

- Yeah, he's right.

What do you know, Adam? How many girls

have you been with since we got here, huh?

- Shut up. No, you shut up.

- No, you shut up.

Can we be a little mature here, please?


- Mature? Really?

- Huh? Yeah.

Well, we just now have breaking news

coming in.

- We go now to the top story of the hour.

- Guys, come over here. Check this out.

Amateur photographers are capturing--

- What's going on?

- Everyone, shut up.

Yeah, I got this.

You might be one of many viewers

trying to figure out...

...what those mysterious bright lights are.

Truth is you're not the only one.

NASA, along with the Russian space program...

...alerted the media that it is believed to be

a group of meteors from deep outer space.

They say

they are still investigating the matter...

...but need more time

to make a valid assessment.

Some astronomers managed

to come to their own conclusion...

...after remote surface

temperature readings...

...indicated the meteors

are mostly comprised of ice...

...resembling glaciers

rather than rocks.

Space programs wrapped up

the press conference...

...by saying that these meteors pose

absolutely no threat to us...

...and are expected to safely pass by Earth

tomorrow morning.

Dude, I see it.

Wait. What?

What? Seriously?

- Where is this?

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Submitted on August 05, 2018

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    "Disaster L.A. a.k.a. Apocalypse L.A." Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2024. Web. 21 May 2024. <https://www.scripts.com/script/disaster_l.a._a.k.a._apocalypse_l.a._6973>.

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