Dirty Laundry Page #5

You are so beautiful. Really.

Oh, thank you.

[Crying]

Oh. No. What? I'm sorry. Don't cry.

What- What did I say?

- Nothing. It's just her hormones.

- Ugh.

- [Woman] Girl, shut it up.

- Clarine, just get the book!

- Get the book.

- The book? The book?

Yeah, wedding magazines.

They always cheer her up.

Kind of like a shot of tequila.

Or a good man.

Clarine, that's my brother Sheldon.

Sheldon, that's Clarine.

Oh, Sheldon, huh?

You married? Single?

Anatomically correct?

Clarine!

That's my brother!

Oh, girl, I'm just playin'. Ain't nothing wrong

with havin' a little brotherly love.

Uh, well, no.

No. And-And, well, yes.

[Chuckles]

Oh, you're so proper.

- Where are you from?

- New York.

The Big Apple?

Ooh! East Side!

- You know Eddie Murphy?

- No.

Biggie? Puffy?

- Tupac?

- Tupac dead.

Oh, no, she didn't.

No, this heifer did not.

See, you playin'.

Tupac is alive.

See? It's a plot.

He over in Cuba somewhere kickin' it.

You know what I'm sayin'?

They take all the good ones-

Martin, Malcolm, Don Cornelius.

- Don Cornelius?

- Everybody dies. It's all so sad.

- The book, ho. Read the book.

- Oh, yeah.

You know, I think

I'm going to leave.

Yeah. Good. And don't

be late picking me up...

because it's bingo night,

and I'm making a potato salad.

Ooh. Bingo and potato salad.

Don't want to miss that.

Smart-ass. 7:
00.

Girl, how you make your potato salad?

With relish or paprika?

- I'm not telling you.

- Heifer.

I want some deviled eggs.

Whoo!

Jesus.

[Sheldon Narrating]

Since Cain and Abel...

kids have been fighting for

the affection of their parents.

Erik and Lyle Menendez probably

took that to a new level...

but my point is that

sibling rivalry is nothing new.

And I'm sure that somewhere

deep within the fairy tale...

even Hansel and Gretel

had some parental issues.

Then there was my brother Eugene.

[Jackie] There are two emergency exits

on either side of the row.

In case of an emergency,

the lights on the floor will light up...

and lead you straight to-

There are two emergency exits

on either side of the row.

- In case of an emergency, the lights on the-

- Hey, so how was bingo night?

- Hey.

- Hey.

- What's up?

- Oh, you tell me.

- Nothing.

- What were you doing?

- Just playin' around.

- [Chuckles]

- Sheldon.

- "Be a flight attendant."

- Sheldon!

- "Travel the world."

Give it to me.

Don't say nothing to Mama.

Why not? I mean,

it's about time you do something.

Why should I be the only one

to get out of this place?

And that's the point.

I don't wanna cause no stress.

- I did pass my first exam though.

- My God, that's great!

Yeah, but don't say nothing.

Your secret is safe with me, okay?

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