Dirty Laundry Page #3

I think that's nasty.

I don't know why anybody would

want to see anything like that.

Big old booties hanging

out of a G-string...

like a uneven apple on one side

and then all flabby, you know, on the-

Mama, please,

just tell me what happened.

Well, okay.

In any case, they had just

finished doin' a show.

I think it was at Ruby's House

of Chickens and Ribs.

- Yep.

- And they got back on the tour bus.

- The driver was one of the girls in the tour.

- Uh-huh.

Well, apparently, the driver

reached for a rib...

that was left over in her purse...

[Sighs]

And didn't see the deer in the road.

Oh, my God.

So she hit the deer.

No. Apparently, she got

barbecue sauce in her eyes...

and the bus just went careening

off the side of the road.

- What?

- Everybody was killed.

Freak fat stripper accident.

- Oh.

- And while they were cleaning up the wreckage...

they found Gabriel's birth certificate

hidden inside a take-out menu.

A take-out menu.

Mm-hmm. And that's when Gabe

came here to live with us.

Yeah, it was just recently

he started to ask about his daddy, and...

well, I guess that just

got the ball rolling and here you are.

Boy, what you doing?

I'm writing a check.

You know, I didn't sign up for this.

So why don't you call me

if there's an emergency...

or you need an organ

transplant or something?

Boy, you're gonna need a transplant

if you don't get up there and talk to that boy.

Sheldon!

Now, why is he so strange?

- Mm-mmm.

- Lord.

- So, how do you like living with Aunt Jackie?

- And Gran. She's cool.

Huh. Give it time.

Give it time.

- I tried telling you.

- Yeah, about that-You know, I'm sorry.

I'm just not really

good at, uh-Anyway.

- You don't like kids, do you?

- No.

I mean- I mean, no,

I don't not like kids.

I mean, they're real little people.

You know?

And they're- they're great if you like kids.

[Chuckles]

But which I do.

I do.

It's just, uh, kids.

You know?

[Sighs]

Listen.

I'm really glad that we, you know,

had this time to meet.

And I think that we're gonna end up

being really great friends.

Okay. Well, you know,

I think it's really getting late.

Oh, yeah.

I better get to bed.

Okay. All right.

Okay.

[Exhales]

[Chuckles]

Well, that was easy.

[Sighs] Okay, Jackie, where is a guy

to get some sleep around here?

- Your old room's right upstairs.

- Oh, right.

But before you go,

you finish these dishes.

- [Laughs]

- Sheldon!

[Snoring]

- He don't look foreign.

- He's not foreign. He's from New York.

- [Snoring]

- He smells funny.

- It's probably fancy cologne.

- Why is he wearing cologne? He have a date?

[Boy]

It's this stuff.

- It smells good.

- It's probably expensive.

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