Definitely, Maybe
Can I get you
to sign right here, please?
Okay. Here you go.
- Thanks.
- You're welcome.
Hi, Will. Package for you.
I don't think anyone ever imagines
they'll be part of the 46%
that doesn't live happily ever after.
Will?
Just heard we got the Quaker Oats account.
Way to go.
You must be completely psyched.
Then again,
I never thought I'd spend my days,
weeks and years working
in an advertising agency
trying to figure out how to get kids to eat
Cap'n Crunch instead of Froot Loops.
But Tuesdays and Fridays
are my favorite days.
I get out of work early, and I go pick up
my daughter, Maya, from school.
Now, it's a great feeling when you find
the right track to go with the day.
And today, I have found
B*tches, they can kiss my...
Thank you.
You're welcome.
But sometimes, no matter
how carefully you plan your playlist,
there is no right track for what awaits you.
- Come on, come on!
- Hey, what's going on?
Will, did you know there was gonna be
a sex ed class today?
Aren't they kind of young?
- Yeah! It was a total disaster.
- At least it got them reading.
There's a book!
"The 250 million sperm are ejaculated
"and begin their treacherous journey
towards the fallopian tubes!
"One hundred million are wiped
out instantly..."
I'm gonna find Maya.
Do you still have sex with Daddy?
- What are you talking about?
- Do you?
- You know, we will go home and talk...
- You do, don't you?
- We will go home and talk about this.
- I hate you, I hate you!
Stop pulling on me! I am trying
to get to the bottom of something!
We need to talk.
Which is when the man
removes his penis from his pajamas
and thrusts it into a woman's vagina...
Okay, but Mrs. Gallagher
didn't actually say "thrust."
- Yeah.
- Oh.
But what I don't understand,
Sammy Boigon's sister said
he was an accident.
I mean, how do you accidentally
thrust a penis into... Hi, Luis.
- Hey.
- How do you accidentally...
Stop saying "penis" and "thrust."
Just say "tinkle part" or "wee-wee."
Something cute.
- Explain how Sammy was an accident.
- That's complicated.
- Penis! Penis.
- Okay. All right, that's enough.
Okay, they...
It's not like his dad slipped
on a banana peel.
The accident was that Sammy's mom
got pregnant.
If they didn't want a baby,
then how come they had sex?
That's a very good question.
that they were rehearsing.
- Was I an accident?
- No.
- I was, wasn't I?
- No.
You were completely and totally on purpose.
I knew exactly what I was getting into.
the story of you and my mom.
Why do you keep saying "my mom"
like I've never met her?
Well, because now that
you're getting divorced,
she's mine, not yours.
- Is that so?
- Tell me how it happened.
And the real story, not the,
"Oh, we met, we fell in love,
"and we decided to take all that love
"and make a family,
and that's how we made you."
You know something?
I'm gonna tell you the real, true story
of how me and your mother met.
- When I'm old enough.
- Yep.
- Look. I know love isn't a fairytale.
- Really?
Really.
Did you have another girlfriend
before you met her?
Come on, tell me the truth.
I had two serious girlfriends.
And then some other,
a smattering of other women that I dated.
You know.
What?
What's the boy word for slut?
They still haven't come up with one yet,
but I'm sure they're working on it.
You a vegetarian this week or not?
- Yeah, I am.
- Great.
I'm guessing
you weren't her first boyfriend.
Maybe it was some nerdy guy,
or maybe he was mean.
Or maybe
you were friends for the longest time,
and then just when you were
about to put your penis
into somebody else's vagina...
Okay. Good night, Maya.
...you realized Mom
was the only one for you!
Bedtime!
You still have to tell me
the story of why you fell in love with her.
I fell in love with her because
she was smart and beautiful and fun.
So now she's stupid and ugly and boring?
- Of course not.
- Then what's the problem?
- It's complicated, Maya.
- Everything with you is so complicated.
I bet that if you just told me the story,
you'd realize that it's not complicated at all.
That you just love her.
I know this is tough for you,
but what are you thinking?
That I'm gonna tell you this story
and it's gonna make everything better?
It doesn't work that way.
Maybe it does, maybe it doesn't.
Tell me and we'll find out.
No. Game over. It's time for bed.
No, it's not time for bed!
It's time for you to tell me the story!
- Maya.
- I need to know!
I need to know.
Fine! Fine!
I'm gonna tell you the story,
- but I'm not telling you who your mom is.
- Fine.
You're just gonna have
to figure it out for yourself.
- Good.
- And I'm changing all the names
and some of the facts,
but I just decided that right now.
- And then we'll see how smart you are.
- I like it. It's like a love story/mystery.
- Great. Sounds good. You ready?
- No.
No.
- Take your time.
- I will.
- I know you will.
- You go here.
- Princess pillow?
- Thank you.
- You bet.
- Okay.
I'm ready.
Once upon a time,
before e-mails and cell phones
and reality television shows,
in 1992 to be exact,
in a little town called Madison, Wisconsin,
named William Hayes.
- Hey, Will, man, Happy New Year.
- Hey, yeah, you, too.
Now, this young man was deeply,
deeply in love with his college sweetheart.
Let's call her...
- Emily!
- Emily!
Emily!
- Hey.
- Hi.
Ten, nine, eight...
Hey, guess who's gonna be the luckiest guy
on planet Earth in about four seconds?
You.
two, one!
Happy New Year!
They were a perfect couple.
Except to really understand
how this young man
ended up marrying your mother,
you'll also need to know
that he had a very big,
incredibly embarrassing dream.
All rise
for the President
of the United States of America,
William
Matthew
Hayes.
You wanted to be President?
I'm just, I don't understand why you have
to work for Clinton in New York.
Why can't you just work for him in Madison?
Well, because they don't need me here.
They need me in New York.
They need him, Em. Will's the man.
I can't believe you're letting him go.
I mean, don't you know
about New York girls?
Besides being incredibly hot,
they have no problem with casual sex,
which by the way, I totally respect.
- What if Charlie's right?
- Charlie's never right.
- He's functionally retarded.
- I am worried New York's gonna change you.
- Change can be good.
- If we change together.
So, we'll change together.
Okay? It's two months in New York.
I'll be back before you know it.
Besides, we have a plan, right?
The other thing I can't believe is that
you'd risk leaving Emily here with me,
'cause I gotta tell you,
I've always had a thing for you...
And I have absolutely no scruples.
Wait! I almost forgot.
You have to give this to Summer.
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"Definitely, Maybe" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2024. Web. 12 Oct. 2024. <https://www.scripts.com/script/definitely,_maybe_6669>.
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