Deconstructing Harry Page #3

You must be Mendel Birnbaum.

Did you enjoy it?

-Are you kidding? Be right back.|-Where you going?

l'm going to check my pants|for another 50.

l'd like to go again.

Yes?

-Mendel Birnbaum?|-Yes.

Open.

Who is it?

Who are you?

l've come for you.

-What are you talking about?|-l'm Death...

and your name is on my list.

No!

Wait a minute.|You've made a mistake.

You don't have a minute.

l'm not Mendel...

Don't give me that bullshit!

Look at your monogram.

Mendel?

Who are you talking to?

Don't call me Mendel.

-Please. l'm just using his pad.|-Right!

They always have an excuse.

Let's go!

Move it, you little putz!

l'm on the roof.|She's pointing a gun at me...

we're out in the cold|and l'm panicked.

l tell her a story l wrote|when l was younger...

and she found it funny,|thank God.

She laughed and relaxed and|she puts the gun down.

So your writing saved your life.

lt's amazing to me, you know?

The interesting thing apart|from the obvious sexual guilt...

that l had when|l was young in the story...

is that nothing's changed.

lt's years later.

l had a shrink then and now...

l'm six shrinks later...

l'm three wives down the line.

And l still can't get|my love life in order.

l still love whores.

lt's ideal. You pay them, and|they come to the house...

and you don't have to discuss|Proust or films or...

l don't knowwhat's|happening to me.

l just have not grown up|and l feel...

l see other guys my age.

l think of f***ing|every woman l meet.

l meet a woman in the bank...

or on the bus...

l think:
What's she look like naked?|Can l f*** her?

This is crazy.

l see guys l know that|are lawyers and doctors...

with families and houses.

They're not so...

Does the U.S. President want|to f*** every woman he meets?

Bad example.

l don't know.

Take Raoul Wallenberg...

Did he want to bang every|waitress in Europe?

Probably not.

Tell me about|your honoring ceremony.

That's bullshit.

The same school that|threw me out years ago...

now wants to honor me.

Why'd they throw you out?

Because l was not|interested in college.

l wanted to be a writer.|Writing was all l cared about.

l did not care about|the real world.

l cared only about|the world of fiction.

Plus l tried to give...

the dean's wife and enema.|They didn't like that.

The sad thing is...

l've gotta drive way|upstate to be honored...

and l have to go alone.|l got nobody to go with...

What about bringing|your son with you?

l can't. lt's not|my visiting time.

Joan is completely|inflexible, so...

She won't trade dates with you?

l can't even get her|on the phone.

She hates me and...

for the first time in my life|l have writer's block.

Now this, to me, is unheard of.

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