Deathtrap

[Hushed voices

in the background]

[Grunts]

Aah.

Cooperative as ever,

abigail.

Woman, whispering: it's

the worst play i've ever seen.

Man, whispering:

i can't believe

Sidney bruhl wrote it.

Good evening,

mr. Bruhl.

How'd it go?

Man on tv:

you want to be alone.

[Audience laughing

and applauding]

Man on tv:

the lines are trouble.

But you don't

have to look your best.

[Audience laughing]

Ohh.

[Telephone rings]

Aah!

Ohh. Sidney?

Darling?

Oh, darling,

i've been so anxious!

How's it going?

What do you mean

it's a disaster?

Oh, sidney, you always

think that on opening night.

Of course

it's not a disaster.

They're laughing,

aren't they?

Sidney...

Are they laughing?

Sweetheart...

Sidney...

They're not laughing

at all?

[Clack]

My god. Who could

ever have believed

It would

end this way?

Who?

Who?!

[Applause]

Well, bruhl,

you want to know who?

I'll tell you who.

My lawyer,

My accountant,

My proctologist,

Even my goddamn wife.

Yeah, she told me,

she said, "you produce

"Another crock by

that putz sidney,

You deserve

to go broke."

Even my goddamn wife!

She should know, seymour.

It's her money.

Putz!

Listen, pal,

you and me

Been in this business

a long time, right?

Long enough to know it ain't

your opening night crowd

That hands down

the verdict.

So just relax, kid.

Count your loot,

And drink

your orange blossom.

Thanks, burt.

The critics are gonna

love you, mr. Bruhl.

You got my promise, ok?

Here we go.

[Turns on tv]

Man:
our drama critic,

stewart klein.

Sidney bruhl's new play,

Which opened tonight

at the music box,

Is billed

as a comedy-Thriller.

So much for truth

in advertising.

[Tv knob clicking]

Well, theater lovers,

there is bad news tonight.

Bad sets, bad costumes,

bad direction, bad actors,

And from playwright

sidney bruhl,

A spectacularly

bad play.

Well, sidney bruhl's

new whodunit murder most fair

Opened tonight

at the music box.

But there's no point

in you folks going there,

'Cause i'm gonna tell you

who done it.

Sidney bruhl done it.

And what's inexcusable

is he done it in public.

Well, they weren't

real raves, sidney,

But they certainly

weren't what i call bad.

I'm doing the only

sensible thing!

I'm getting pissed!

And i'll see you

in easthampton in the morning.

Conductor:
easthampton.

Easthampton.

Cabby:
that'll be $52.

Aah!

Oh!

Every time i come in

this bloody house,

You scream!

I have just been to

the worst opening night

Of my bloody life--

And that is

no small boast--

I was called a putz

by seymour starger,

And i had to come back home

on the bloody train!

Why didn't you take

a limousine?

Because i can no longer

afford a bloody limousine!

Of course you can. I can,

and everything i have is yours.

Don't you understand?!

I want to pay for my own

bloody limousines!

Myra, i have had 4 bombs

in a row!

And you know, they deserved

to bomb, because they stank!

Murder most fair

was total sh*t!

Because i'm written out.

Out!

I can no longer cut it,

my darling.

Do you know what happened

to me tonight?

I passed out

in the train,

And i came to in

the terminus at montauk!

End of the line!

Bloody symbolic.

My christ...

This has been some kind

of walpurghisnacht.

Oh, darling.

Oh.

Darling, i won't let you

do this to yourself.

Darling, listen to me.

Darling, you're a wonderful,

wonderful writer!

You are just going through

a streak of bad luck!

And! And to add bloody

insult to injury,

This came to the theater

tonight. Tonight!

What, darling? What?

This is what.

A thriller in 2 acts.

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