Dean Slater: Resident Advisor Page #3

get on your knees.

MALE SPEAKER (OFFSCREEN): We're

here to keep you safe.

MALE SPEAKER (OFFSCREEN):

That means safe

weenies and safe vajajays.

Gotta keep that vajajay

locked up.

- Mmm.

- Aw, give it to Mama.

MALE SPEAKER (OFFSCREEN): These

goggles are supposed to

simulate being drunk.

Your parents are paying a lot of

money for this, all right?

FEMALE SPEAKER (OFFSCREEN): I'm

a little out of practice.

[PHONE RINGING]

- Du...

ahh, hey, babe.

I was just thinking about you.

- These things never

fit me anyway.

- Hey!

Listen, wasted is for

one night, but

STDs are for a lifetime.

- Oh my god, oh my god,

you could... you

could live off this.

It's... it's... it's got water.

It's got...

it's got vegetables.

It's got carbohydrates.

Mmm, it's got the taste.

You know?

It's just oozing with

that flavor.

It's got that... that sh*t.

This is...

[SIGHS]

[PHONE RINGING]

[FARTS]

- What's up, pup?

VERONICA (ON PHONE): One?

CORY (OFFSCREEN):

I love you, too.

VERONICA (ON PHONE): Three?

- I love being four.

[GIGGLES]

To infinity and beyond.

[MAKES ELECTRIC SHOCK SOUNDS]

VERONICA (ON PHONE):

[INAUDIBLE]?

- Uh, yeah.

So you know, I'm just trying to

figure out what to rent for

Black Friday tonight.

VERONICA (ON PHONE): Curfew?

- Oh, no.

I know, I'll be home by 11:00.

Be on in, like, two seconds.

3, 2, 1.

- All right.

What's up?

How you doing?

- Hey, babe.

- You're wearing that

shirt I got you.

Nice.

- Sh*t, the RA!

Quick, we gotta hide

the stuff!

- Dude, what the f***, man?

Hide what stuff?

YUJI (OFFSCREEN): Dude.

- I am not calling her.

I'm just collecting texts to

see what our options are.

- Yeah.

- I've got the '80s party.

- That's LAB.

- Look, Yuji, you're gonna have

to help us out here with some

of these 'brevs.

- LAB, Lame as Balls.

- Oh.

- Hmm.

- Yo, you guys are

gonna like this.

Jello shots on the quad.

- Jello shots?

- That's so eighth grade.

- Well.

- Let's ask the Dean.

He'll know.

- Let's do it.

- Yeah, bring the noodles.

- OK.

- Hey, have you guys

Googled the Dean?

He's pretty epic.

- Look.

- You'd be surprised at the time

you could find if you

live in the moment.

- Dean, uh, we were wondering

if you could teach us.

- Train us.

- How to party.

- What makes you think I

know how to do that?

[KNIFE SLICING SOUNDS]

- This sand just isn't fine

enough for Spanish tile.

Oystered sand is

so uninspired.

- Dude, you were famous.

- I mean, there's all these

articles from the archives of

the "SCSU Gazette. "

- Yeah, we gotta keep you

under wraps, man.

- It's pretty freakin' awesome.

- I've since learned it's best

not to expose hypocrisy until

you yourself gain humility.

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