Daria: Is It College Yet?


I must say I'm honored you've chosen to spend your valuable Saturday night with

me. What happened? Tom's parents send him off for more forty-watt bulbs?

I was just craving a bit of sisterhood, so long as it doesn't involve my actual

sister. What'd you do today?

I actually accomplished something... I mean, other than getting up. I applied to

Lawndale State and State University.

Really? Why? I thought you wanted to go to Boston Fine Arts College?

I do want to go to BFAC, but unlike Lawndale State and State U, you have to have

talent to get in. So they give you extra time to put together a killer art portfolio.

How's that going?

Why, it's going so well that when you called to go out, I only cried tears of

relief for ten minutes. What about you? Still thinking about... Bromwell?

They don't really talk like that there... I hope. Anyway, I'm applying because

it's an outstanding university, not because the students engage in the rectal

transport of steel rods.

The Equestrian Club must be in constant pain.

What about your safeties?

I've applied to Raft, Ellis, Lloyd...

Raft's your safety? Gutsy, Morgendorffer.

No, no, no. Raft's my second choice. My parents won't think I've sent out enough

applications if I only get rejected from one place.

Hey, Raft's in Boston, right? Wouldn't it be great if we went to college in the

same town? We could meet on the weekends to eat pizza and complain.

Well, they say college is all about broadening your horizons.

Gaaaah! Six hundred dollars for shoes? That you walk in? On the ground?

Relax, Jake. I'll take care of it. Quinn! I want you to come downstairs and

explain yourself!

Finally, the mystery will be solved.

Sandi, I'm just saying tangerine isn't as orange as... call you back.

Sorry, Fashion Club crisis.

Never mind. What's this six hundred dollar charge at Cashman's?

But Mom, I actually saved money by buying faux alligator instead of real alligator.

Well, you can also save your excuses. The shoes are going back.

But I can't return them. Final markdown. However, if it makes you feel better,

I promise never to buy on sale again.

You're not buying anything, period, until you pay off this bill.

I understand. I shall require a substantial increase in my allowance.


But you know I don't have any money. It's why I have to buy on credit. Let's

work together, Mother, and attack the problem at its source.

Good idea. You'll have to go out and get a job.

Uh! Water.

Hope she doesn't get any on the shoes.


Sit down, Jake. She's not wearing them.

Shouldn't you be working on your college applications?

Hey, yeah! You know, Daria, I'd be happy to give your application to Middleton a

quick going over. I think I know a thing or two about what they like at the old

alma mater.

Ummm, gee, thanks. Yes... I... uh, you're right. I should be working on my

applications. Right now.

You know, Jake, just because we went to Middleton doesn't mean Daria will. She's

applying to a lot of different places.

Oh, sure. But why would she want to go to just any old college when she could

follow in our footsteps? Middleton's a Morgendorffer tradition.

So's military school.

Bite your tongue, Helen. No daughter of mine is ever going to share a latrine

with fifty hateful boys who can sniff out weakness like day-old cheese.

Let's hope not, dear.

Everyone hates the message board miscreant, but now you can do something about it!

Flame wars:
the next generation, tonight on Sick, Sad World!

Finish your college applications yet?

All except Bromwell's. Mom and Dad want to want to review the alumni section to

make sure I didn't leave anyone out.

That shouldn't take more than a week or two.

Did you ask about going up to Newtown to visit Bromwell with me?

It's cool with my mother as long as your mother's definitely chaperoning and we

can drive up to Boston afterwards to check out a couple of other colleges.

That's the plan. Boston's where all my safeties are.

Umm, mine, too.

Hey, don't worry, Daria. You'll get into Bromwell with your incredible test

scores and grades. I'll get in the old fashioned way: bribery and nepotism.

Gee, when you put it that way, it all sounds so fair and just.

Guys, it is so nice of you to take me out on my birthday.

Our pleasure, Stacy.

Just because the rest of us had dates on our birthdays...

Oh, yes, Sandi. You mentioned that. Boy, I can't believe I'm another year older.

Time goes by so fast.

I know. Just yesterday I was playing with makeup starter kits, and today I'm

being forced out in the working world. And I thought these were supposed to be

the carefree years.

I know, Quinn. Why don't you get a job here? There are lots of cute guys, and

the hostesses get to dress up and wear hoopy earrings.

Stacy! Are you suggesting that a Fashion Club member serve the public?

Stacy, tsk.

Uh, geez, Sandi, it's not that bad an idea. This place is sort of fun, and it

wouldn't be like the kind of job where you'd endanger your nails or anything.

Mmmm... good point.

Fine, if you want to sully the fine name...


Make a wish, Stacy!

And don't worry. I'm sure that chocolate won't cause your sensitive skin to

break out.


Thanks, guys.

What'd you wish for?

Ummm; nothing.

Come on, Stacy. Tell us! Don't be your usual drippy self.

Nothing. Anyway, it didn't come true.

How did your father's meeting at the bank go?

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Glenn Eichler

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Submitted on August 05, 2018

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