Dadnapped Page #5

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I would hate to be you.

In fact, I hate you.

Wow, kind of harsh. Don't you think?

Don't you have a super-villain to wrap

in dental floss or something?

Nope. I'm all yours.

And it looks like you're gonna be

needing me, too.

'Cause we both know

you are not Zoome enough

to get Neal back on your own.

Hey, this is the real world.

In the real world, 15-year-olds don't

save their fathers from freaky fan guys.

You know what? You're right, 100%.

I guess that's why

your father writes about me, not you.

He adjusts the disguise,

a colander of deception.

What? Every writer knows

it's the power of the words.

Do you even know

what a colander is, Skunk?

Do you? Because I don't.

But I can still tell you,

there is no such thing

as a colander of deception.

Okay, careful.

We gotta time this just right.

- Is this Zoome enough for you, Neal?

- What's going on here?

What is that smell?

The cords are soaked in mentho-rub.

The more you squirm,

the more you burn.

The Vapo Wrist Wrap,

Tripp's Last Trip. Page 89.

This is kind of amazing. And painful.

- Come on, kids, get me out of this.

- Kids? We ain't kids.

We're your worst nightmare.

Stuff him!

Dirty sweat sock. You wrote it, we do it.

Hey.

- Who's Melissa?

- That's my daughter.

Let me just tell her that I'm okay.

Come on, guys. In Tripp of No Return,

even evil Professor Nix got to do that.

Okay.

- Hello?

Dad?

Melissa, honey, you okay?

I can't believe you did this to me, Dad.

It's so typical.

What? I didn't do anything.

Everything's not always my fault,

you know.

- Floss, floss, floss!

- Floss, floss, floss!

Okay, here's the deal.

Your dad is fine, okay?

And as soon as he agrees

to our one demand, he's home free.

So why don't you run along and go play

with the other little kiddies at the hotel?

And with whom am I speaking, please?

Why's that matter?

So I can use your name

in a complete sentence, nimrod.

Nimrod. Real mature.

Wait a minute. I know that voice.

Word Wham! guy! It's you!

You're Neal's daughter?

I guess vocabulary gene

skips a generation, huh?

Excuse me. May I say something?

- No!

- No!

Look, I don't know what twisted dream

you think you're fulfilling,

but you're totally ruining my vacation.

And that's not okay!

Feisty.

I like it.

Okay. Just tell me where you are,

and I'll come get my dad.

Tell you?

Hmm.

I don't think so.

Pine mist or lilac spray?

Floss.

"Pine scent or lilac"?

So, what's the plan?

Mr. Kilbo, does this town

have a car wash?

Yes. Why?

No, no, no, bro. There.

No, no, no, there.

No, no, no, there.

Hold on.

Right there. You see? Yeah.

The girl!

You know, you gotta admire

her enthusiasm.

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