D.O.A.

---

Hey!

Jeez. Buddy, you look dead.

I wanna see Brockton.

Or Ulmer.

- Yeah? What about?

- A murder.

Yeah? Who was murdered?

I was.

He looks bad, Dan.

Nice of you to fiit in

an appearance, Cornell.

- We'd about given you up for--

- You'd be right.

Dead on arrival.

Just one more on the pile,

eh, Cornell?

How many corpses now?

- Five?

- Six.

You know, if, uh, Cecil B. over there

is ready, I'll tell you all about it.

I'll try to piece together as best I can

what's happened over the last 36 hours.

Metcalf, a colour.

How about green?

Uh, young. Raw.

- Immature.

- Specifiic reference.

-Jolly Green Giant.

- Mr Green Jeans.

You people are junk-culture

geniuses, aren't ya?

Now, I mean a literary reference, and

Bill Cosby's latest book doesn't count.

Hmm? Anybody?

Nick? The color green.

Fire off any synapses for you?

What about Shakespeare's line

in Antony and Cleopatra?

That's Taylor and Burton

to the rest of us, right?

- All right. What's the line, Nick?

- ''My salad days when

I was green in judgement.''

Good. Another one.

- ''The text is old,

the orator too green.''

- Nick?

- What?

- Didn't mean another

Shakespeare quote, Nick.

I meant another student.

Aren't we literal-minded lately, huh?

- A bit like a computer.

- Computer programmers

have a saying, Professor.

- ''Garbage in, garbage out.''

- Yeah? Well, English professors

have a saying too, Nick.

''Don't one-up me in public. I haven't

graded your independent project yet.''

Okay, can we hear from somebody else?

I'm glad somebody

can sleep in this heat.

Mr Sloane, good morning.

- Dreaming of a white Christmas?

- Sorry, Professor.

- Pulled an all-nighter.

- Uh-huh.

- What's the topic?

The color green as a metaphor.

Got any thoughts at all?

- Anybody got any thoughts?

-Jealousy.

''Oh, beware, my lord, of jealousy.

It is the green-eyed monster

which doth mock the meat it feeds on.''

0thello.

Good acting too, Nick.

Will somebody please

unplug this man?

All right, everybody.

Get the hell out of here.

- Professor?

- Oh. Thank you, Miss--

Fuller. Sydney Fuller.

Back row.

I was wondering,

do you think you could--

Talk about your salad days.

What, you want me to sign this?

I can't believe myself, but, yeah.

To Sydney Fuller.

Taken me all semester

to work up my nerve to ask you.

That's with a Y.

- S-Y--

- Yeah, yeah, yeah.

S-Y-D-N-E-Y. Yeah.

That's the reason, you know, I took

your course-- because my parents...

they just think that liberal arts

is a waste of tuition, and I--

I mean, I've read all of your books,

and I just-- Shut up, Sydney.

- Have, though. I read 'em all.

- Glutton for punishment, huh?

No, they're great.

I wish you hadn't have stopped.

I didn't stop.

I just stalled.

Professor Cornell? Uh, my novel.

You-You really haven't, uh--

- Graded it? Finished it?

- Either.

- Neither.

- But you said you'd

have it graded this week.

Yes, well, Nick, this heat's

put me a little bit behind schedule.

- I haven't shown it

to anyone else yet, Professor.

- Well, what should I do?

Should I feel privileged

or singled out for persecution?

- Can I be honest?

- I don't know, Nick. Can you?

Your opinion means a great deal to me.

And it's not because

you're my professor.

- It's because of your body of work.

- Yeah. Synonyms for body--

corpse, carcass, cadaver.

If you don't like my novel, I'll die.

No, I will. I'll stop writing.

Oh. Even worse.

I've spent the whole semester

sweating out on that thing.

Well, Nick, it took Hugo 1 6 years

to write Les Miserables.

- Yeah, but it only takes

a couple of days to read it.

- Yeah.

Come on. Anything. Any comment.

Anything to tide me through.

Nice typing.

- Something go down the drain?

- You know something I don't?

Yeah. You look like sh*t, Hal.

And I should know.

I'm an expert on the subject.

What's the matter? Heat getting to you?

Or just up all night toiling against

the publisher's deadline?

No, I was up all night

consulting my physician.

Ah. Playing doctor with Elaine.

Speaking of too hot.

Well, you know, the air conditioning

at the med centre was working.

- She was on call all night.

- Tell me.

How do you do it in a hospital?

Feet in the stirrups?

Where else?

Heigh-ho, Silver.

Yeah, well, you're gonna have

to forget about that wild life...

once you become a full professor.

You son of a b*tch. I wondered how long

you were gonna keep me in suspense.

He said yes, right?

So the promotion's mine?

Yeah, another rung up the ladder,

though it's not offiicial yet.

But it wouldn't hurt if you showed up

at the art gallery dedication tonight.

- I'll be there with bells on.

- Yeah.

It'll be your last chance to kiss ass

before the Christmas break.

You know, if you hadn't helped me

with the outline and structure...

I probably wouldn't even have

the book contract.

Yeah, I know. But I'm not gonna

take the rap for that one, Hal.

- I'm serious. I wanna thank you

for putting in the good word.

- Right.

Hey, meet me in the offiice.

I got a bottle in the desk.

We'll have a drink, all right?

- All right.

I won't tell if you won't tell.

- All right, I'll see you later.

- Okay.

Hey, Chuck, you spelled

''carnival'' with an E!

Hey, Dex. Dex, you oughta

slow down in this heat.

I thought you were a PhD,

Dr Corey, not an MD.

You know what I am.

I'm an assistant professor...

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