Crooklyn Page #3

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- Shh! And do not wake your father!

- You're waking everybody up.

Shh! You know why

I'm screaming, don't you?

- All because...

- No, child, I am not crazy.

You are gonna be crazy once

I beat your brains outta your head.

- My brains?

- You ain't beatin'

my brains outta my head.

I'm crazy 'cause I got five of y'all

that have run me stark raving mad!

- This ain't no plantation!

- I know it ain't!

- I'm not a slave!

- Nobody said you was.

And I'll tell you one damn thing:

I certainly am not a plaything.

- You understand me?

- What am I supposed to do?

You're supposed to have

done what I told you.

Mommy, Clinton only washes

one plate and one fork and one knife.

- Shut up, heifer!

- Don't be a tattletale.

Don't call her a heifer. Clinton, you

are gonna wash every fork, plate, spoon,

pot, pan, our drawers,

Mutley for a month.

What about Wendell and Nate?

They never do nothin'.

Yes, I do!

I empty the garbage!

You worry about your own shiftless self.

You get busy!

- Mommy, I'm hungry.

- That's too bad.

The kitchen is closed.

You should've ate more than three peas.

- [Nate And Wendell]

"I ate three peas."

- Shut up.

Clinton. What kind of example

are you setting, being the oldest?

- Can you hear me?

- Yes.

You are so immature!

- I hate doing...

- When you finish mashing peas

into the floor, mop.

- I'd rather have a father

than a mother any day.

- Yeah, any day.

What'd you say?

What did you say?

- He said, "I'd rather have

a father than a mother any day."

- Dang!

Take your father! Take your father!

Let's see how your hungry asses eat!

I'm not playin'.

Come here.

[Mom] Mornin', ladybug.

- How are you today?

- Fine.

- How are you?

- I'm good.

- Are you gonna eat some breakfast?

- No, thank you.

Troy, I was wonderin'.

How would you like to go down

and spend a few weeks...

with Cousin Viola in Virginia

after school's out?

Aunt Song and Uncle Clem

asked if you'd like to come.

- No, thank you.

- What are you gonna do this summer?

- I don't know.

- I'm teachin' summer school.

You can't be runnin' up and down the

street after your brothers all day long.

Would I miss my birthday?

You would spend it with them.

That would be good.

That would be great.

Would you please eat some breakfast?

I have to go to work.

[Snagglepuss On Television]

Heavens to Mergatroid.

Exit for child welfare

stage right.

Don't you know better than

to stand under a loose boulder?

Heavens to vegetables.

I've been squashed.

The question is, how does

one baby-sit a western-type baby?

- Can I have some Trix?

- Nope.

- Please.

- I said no, you idiot!

- That's a bet. I'm tellin' Mommy.

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