Crash Pad

Synopsis: A hopeless romantic, who thinks he's found true love with an older woman, learns that she's married and that the fling is merely an instrument of revenge against her neglectful husband.
Genre: Comedy
Director(s): Kevin Tent
Production: Vertical Entertainment and Sony Pictures Worldwide
Rotten Tomatoes:
91 min




Since when?

Since 15 years ago.


No, it's not.

Where's your ring?

Ha! I know a cracker Jack prize

when I see one.

Where is he, then?

He is in la

with a client right now.

Okay, well, where's your

wedding-type snapshots

and, you know, pretty photos

of you and this husband?

We host a lot of parties here,

and Grady thinks that personal

artifacts are tacky, so that's why...

G... Grady? Yes.

His name is Grady? Come on.

Yes... yes, Stensland,

his name is Grady.

Bullshit! Ha! Nice try.

Jesus, I can't

believe you, Morgan.

Where... where are you going?

To expose the lack of man

clothing in your closet

and prove that

you're bullshitting.

What the f***!

I'm married!

Tell me you don't have kids.

Were they watching us?

No. I don't... Why would I

have my kids watching...

I don't have any kids.

You don't have kids

because he's a violent drunk.

No, we just... He'd beat them.

Each other is all we've ever

really wanted or needed,

so we don't have kids.

"Was." so, you'll be

separated soon, right?


Then what the f*** is this?

You held my hand

in the cab yesterday!

That isn't the action of a woman

just looking for great sex

behind her hubby's back, that's a

woman looking for doctor Zhivago!


He cheated on me, okay?

He cheated on you?

And I held your hand yesterday

because I like you, Stensland.

Aw. You know, I'm still...

I'm still crushable.


You can't even say

the word "love," can you?

You know, you can...

You can free the penis now.

I mean, I've seen you naked

for the past two days.

You've been seeing me naked under

sheets and in limited light.

I've got very wide hips

that make my unit

look a lot smaller

than it actually is.

So it's like

an optical illusion?

Yes! I've got b*tch hips.

Leave it be.

Okay, listen.

This was so much fun.

And so, thank you.

But this is the last time that we

will be seeing each other, okay?

Good. I was testing you.

Oh, phew!

What a load off my mind.

Oh, you know, my biggest fear,

since we started

hookin' up, baby,

was that you would think this was

something more than f***ing,

like, god forbid, love.

Love, love, love. Listen, I...

I didn't want to hurt you.

I'm really sorry.

You're sorry?

As for these...

Something tells me they're

due for a dry cleaning.

Oh... what are you doing?

What is wrong with you?

Good day, madam.

Oh. Oh, that was real mature.



How dare she?

All right, the usual.

One pink scone,

one strawberry milk.

So $4.53.

You, uh... you doing

all right, Stensland?

Could someone let me

borrow 53 cents?

Sweet Christ, not now.

Woman, I don't know

what you're saying!

No, not a single

decipherable word!

It's the same

puzzling dance every day!

Shut up!

You're not the smartest,

you're not the coolest,

you're not the best-looking,

but god damn it,

you are something.

You've got something

that attracts people.

You've got something

that attracts the ladies.

They don't know what it is,

you don't know what it is,

but it's there, cocooned,

growing and learning.

And one day, you'll bloom

into a big, beautiful condor

that people

will respect and fear.

"I can't believe that used to

be Stensland," they'll say.

"I can't believe

that used to be Stensland."

Hello, old friend.

Go ahead.

Oh, great episode.

Stensland? Oh, you are here.



Nah, I'm... I'm good.

I thought you said you were going

to stop smoking during the day?

Oh, look, my dead mom's back.


My god,

what's the matter with you?

Morgan dumped me, okay?

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Jeremy Catalino

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Submitted on August 05, 2018

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    "Crash Pad" STANDS4 LLC, 2023. Web. 8 Feb. 2023. <>.

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