Cop Out

Do you know what today represents?

Nine, Jim.

Nine years me and you been together.

Nine we been main sh*t stains.

I know some dogs

that don't even live to be nine.

You lucky if you get seven years out

of a Great Dane.

But me and you

been putting it in together for nine...

Happy anniversary, Jim.

- I don't celebrate anniversaries.

- Jim, open it up.

- I wanna see the expression on your face.

- Wanna see the expression on my face?

The expression you're gonna see

on my face is "F*** you."

I hate anniversaries, Paul.

Animal.

How we gonna work this?

Same way we always do.

I interrogate him, you write it down.

Oh, so you making decisions now?

I hope the whole 6-9

know you're making decisions.

I'm gonna play the bad guy on this one.

- Doubtful.

- Undoubtful.

Highly doubtful.

And you know why?

Because you don't play the bad guy.

You just steal all the bullshit lines you

hear on TV and the movies that you like.

- And that's not acting.

- And it's not stealing. It's called homage.

- What?

- Homage.

It's French for,

"You better let me do this."

- You wanna interrogate this guy?

- Yes.

Okay. Go in there, interrogate him

and just don't f*** it up.

Find out who his supplier is

and then get out of there. All right?

Yes. You act like this dude

can't be interrogated.

You act like he's Godzilla and I'm Tokyo.

Watch and learn, Jimbo. I'm gonna show

you some motherfucking homage.

Homage.

Unbelievable.

Homage.

- Whoa, what you doing?

- Who the f*** are you? A cop?

No, no, no.

Put the gun down, man. Look.

Cops think they can hold me.

Hell, no. I'll kill all those f***ing pigs.

- You in trouble, B?

- What?

- You...

- Don't waste my motherfucking time!

Jesus Christ,

now he's doing Al Pacino from Heat.

- Help me with these cuffs, dude.

- You see this gun?

I killed a cop for it.

And I took his goddamn phone.

You f*** me on this,

and I'll blow your head off.

Because King Kong

ain't got nothing on me!

- Who's this?

- Now you're doing Training Day?

- Who's this?

- You suck as an actor.

You stay out of here!

Get the information,

let's get out of here...

...and go get something to eat.

- Stop calling here!

- Or somebody's gonna die, b*tch!

- Like a Reuben.

- If it bleeds, we can kill it!

- You see? What does that even mean?

Yes, they deserved to die,

and I hope they burn in hell!

- Hey, Paul.

- What?

You had me at "happy anniversary."

I got the death penalty in 12 systems.

- Star Wars?

- Tell us about the chicken.

- Schindler's List?

- Lord knows I love Harpo.

- But if he hit me, I'll kill him dead.

- The Color Purple?

The Forbidden Zone was once a paradise.

I got no place else to go!

We're gonna need a bigger boat.

- Beetlejuice, Beetlejuice, Beetlejuice!

- Everything on cable TV.

- Yippee-ki-yay, motherf***er!

- I've never seen that movie.

I'm not gonna shoot you, Frank.

Scarface.

Who are you, man?

They call me Mr. Tibbs.

- Bobby, look at this.

- What they got you for?

- Drugs.

- Drugs?

You the motherf***er

trying to take over my corners?

- Oh, jeez!

- You taking money out my pocket?

Police!

Oh, no, I don't sell it, man!

I'm a middleman.

- Give me some of that.

- Godzilla is coming!

- Godzilla?

- Godzilla is coming!

What we have here

is failure to communicate!

You gonna spend the night in the box!

Frankly, Raul, I don't give a damn.

And where...

- And where is the Batman?

- Batman? You're crazy, man. Police!

- Why'd you call back? They don't call back!

- Police!

Nobody puts Baby in the corner!

You suck!

No, I swear, man.

I swear they drop the stuff off at my cell

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