Confessions Of An American Bride Page #3

to be outshone by anyone's.

The Tomlinsons had an awful

chicken parmesan at Wendy's wedding.

- Whatever you do, do not use that caterer.

- Listen to your sister.

You learn from

other people's disasters.

These are not disasters.

They're weddings.

You know, Sammy,

you didn't taste their chicken.

So I thought you guys might wanna hear

about the proposal.

Oh, of course, honey.

But first, wait, wait.

I almost forgot. I got you a present.

It's a comprehensive overview

of everything you'll need to know.

Mom stopped being subtle

a long time ago.

- Thanks.

- You're welcome.

Because I know you think

you know what you're doing.

You don't.

Look at the dress.

Why'd you screw it up? You had

six months of nookie-liciousness left.

I don't think that way, Alan.

It was just time.

- Don't you remember being single?

- Oh, yeah.

Those are the good old days.

I mean, fun when you're a kid...

...but, man, when I met Sam,

it changed.

I didn't feel the need

to look anymore.

I was suddenly happy staying home

just hanging out with her, you know?

It's nice.

I'm gonna throw up.

Oh, my God, it's so beautiful!

He wouldn't show it to me.

Oh, look at it.

- I'm gonna need that back.

- Sorry, sorry.

I had forgotten how heavy

wedding magazines are.

That's okay.

You'll have Jennifer Garner arms.

At least I won't have to hide these things

under my mattress anymore.

And, of course, I would love for you

to be one of my bridesmai...

I'd love to!

Samantha, can I see you for a second?

Of course.

You know what a huddle is, Sam?

Sure.

When the qb is calling his plays,

he's gotta listen to his receivers.

They're the ones reading the eyes

of the other side.

Maybe I was thinking

of a different huddle.

You made a good point the other day.

I want you to be liaison

for Cocoa No-Carbs.

- Thank you! That's amazing!

- We're not done. Sit down.

I heard you're engaged.

I remember my first wedding.

Carly almost drowned

under the weight of it.

Sam, I'm gonna be blunt.

If this getting married thing

will affect your performance...

...now is the time to back out

gracefully.

Trust me, it will not be...

A problem.

Hi, Mom. I tried to call you back

last night, but Daddy said...

Right.

As if that wasn't enough anxiety,

Ben's parents had invited us for dinner.

And my parents would be there too.

Pass the tranquilizers.

You do realize our parents

are in there, together.

- They love each other.

- No, they pretend to love each other.

They're about to be bound

together for all time.

Don't overreact.

Okay, so maybe Thanksgivings will suck,

but that's about it.

Perspective.

We love each other, right?

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