Comrade X Page #5

I'LL BITE, VANYA.

WHO AM I?

MR. THOMPSON,

YOU ARE COMRADE X.

YOU DON'T SAY.

WHO PUT THIS HORRIBLE

IDEA IN YOUR HEAD, VANYA?

KILL ME, MR. THOMPSON.

IT WON'T DO YOU ANY GOOD,

BECAUSE IF YOU KILL ME,

YOU HAVE STILL GOT MITKA.

MITKA?

WHO IS MITKA?

HE'S MY FRIEND.

HE'S WAITING

BY THE TELEPHONE NOW.

WE ARRANGED THAT IF I

DON'T CALL HIM UP BY 9:00

AND TELL HIM YOU ARE

GOING TO DO WHAT WE WANT,

HE'LL GO TO

THE POLICE QUICK.

AND WHAT WILL THIS STOOGE PAL

OF YOURS TELL THE POLICE, VANYA?

EVERYTHING.

ABOUT THE THINGS I FIND IN YOUR

POCKETS WHEN I AM PRESSING YOUR PANTS

AND ABOU THAT HANDKERCHIEF.

WHAT HANDKERCHIEF?

HE WILL SHOW THEM

YOUR HANDKERCHIEF,

THE ONE THAT HAS ALWAYS INK

ON IT AND THAT HAS HOLES IN IT,

AND HE WILL SHOW THEM HOW,

IF YOU PUT THAT HANDKERCHIEF

OVER THE STORIES

YOU SEND TO AMERICA,

COMES OU SOMETHING DIFFERENT-

COMES OUT STORIES

BY COMRADE X.

THAT'S WHY YOU ARE GOING TO TAKE

MY DAUGHTER OUT OF RUSSIA TONIGHT,

MR. COMRADE X!

OK, FLEA FACE.

HOW MUCH FOR YOU,

AND HOW MUCH FOR MITKA?

NO, NO, NO, NO.

I DON'T WANT MONEY.

I WANT YOU:

TO SAVE MY DAUGHTER.

MR. THOMPSON, I DON'T WAN YOU TO DIE, BUT WHAT CAN I DO?

I'M A FATHER.

WHERE IS THIS MITKA?

HE'S WAITING

BY THE TELEPHONE NOW.

WHAT TELEPHONE?

NO, NO,

MR. THOMPSON.

DO WHAT YOU WANT.

I WILL NEVER TELL.

LISTEN, VANYA, IF I'M

GOING TO DO THIS THING,

I'VE GOT TO KNOW

WHO THIS MITKA IS.

I'LL TELL YOU WHAT.

TELL HIM TO COME OVER HERE,

AND WE'LL ALL HAVE A CONFERENCE.

THIS IS A BIG JOB.

I NEED HIS HELP.

HE SOUNDS LIKE:

A BRIGHT FELLA.

NO, MR. THOMPSON.

WHAT DO:

YOU MEAN, NO?

IN 10 MINUTES,

ALL WILL BE OVER.

WHAT WILL BE OVER?

YOU, ME, GOLUBKA-

EVERYTHING.

IN 10 MINUTES, MITKA

WILL BE BY THE POLICE.

YOU BUMBLE-HEAD MANIAC.

WELL, OK. YOU WIN.

IF I TAKE HER OUT, YOU'LL CALL IT QUITS

- YOU AND MITKA?

YES.

DOES SHE WAN TO GET OUT?

OH, NO!

SHE LOVES RUSSIA.

THAT'S FINE.

WHERE IS SHE NOW?

SHE IS ON THE STREETCAR.

TELL HER TO COME

AND SEE ME.

SHE CAN'T LEAVE THE CAR.

WHY NOT?

SHE IS A MOTORMAN.

SO THE DEAL IS, I GET AN

OBSTINATE LADY MOTORMAN

OUT OF A COUNTRY SHE

DOESN'T WANT TO LEAVE.

YES.

WELL, OK.

CALL HIM UP.

WHAT SHALL:

I TELL MITKA?

YOU CAN TELL HIM

THAT McKINLEY B. THOMPSON

IS THE BIGGEST HORSE'S NECK THA EVER HAD A CAN TIED TO HIS TAIL.

HOLY IKE.

AFTER OUTWITTING

THE WHOLE RUSSIAN POLICE,

I END UP TAKING ORDERS FROM TWO

OF THE DUMBEST MUSCOVITES ON EARTH.

THERE SHE IS.

STOP!

SHE'LL ONLY STOP

FOR A SECOND.

HELLO, BABY.

I DON'T LIKE TO STAND HERE

BOTHERING YOU LIKE THIS

WHEN YOU'RE SO BUSY, GOLUBKA,

BUT I WANT TO TALK TO YOU.

MY NAME IS THEODORE.

YOU DON'T LOOK LIKE

THEODORE TO ME.

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