Columbus Day Page #5

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see that shine?

He's got a Rolex.

That means he's got money.

He's got it socked away,

doesn't want to let on.

That's why he's dresses

in the ratty clothes.

And he's lonely,

sure, he's lonely.

What do

lonely people want?

Friends.

- That's right.

So I become

his best friend.

"Hey, let's have lunch

every Thursday.

How 'bout a little

business deal?"

He's writing

a cashier's check

faster than he can

change his wet diaper.

I just think he's lonely

and his wife died.

So will we.

Yeah, well, I see

dollars, you see death.

Take your pick, kid.

So, who is he?

- Who what?

The person

that you're meeting.

Can I have the hotdog?

Yeah, eat the hotdog.

Hello.

Who've you got for me?

No one. See, John, these people

are way smarter than me.

They got people

answering their phones

so when a**holes call

early in the morning

they don't get woken up.

Isn't that crazy?

I'm gonna get an assistant, too.

That way they can

tell you to f*** off!

Well, then you'll miss out on

the pleasure of doing it yourself.

When will you

know something?

I said 2 hours, man.

That gives me an hour and a quarter.

Now, chill out

and let me work my magic.

Your magic?

- Yeah, man.

A little cereal,

a little Price is Right--

it's a beautiful day, man.

Oh, you feeling it?

Oh, I'm in

the zone, baby.

I'm gonna call you

in an hour and 14 minutes.

Cheeri-o.

Cheerio.

Go get something

to eat?

Sure, what

do you want?

Oh, your dog is so cute!

What's his name?

Pancho.

Hello?

I'm running late.

I'm horny. I put my nightie on for you.

When are you coming?

Cheryl, I've got business.

I'm not wearing anything.

I'm naked.

Jesus, Cheryl,

I can't do that out here.

Well, I can do it in here, baby.

I want your dick.

Ohh... I'm on my tiptoes.

I can feel you behind me.

I'm right here.

I'm all in you.

Yeah...

The double taco.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, the delivery man.

What?

He's up in my room.

In my bed. What would you do if

you came home right now? Tell me.

Why do you always have to bring

somebody else into it?

What?

- It's always "some guy this, some guy that..."

It's like you

don't even need me.

You don't have

to get upset, baby.

You know what,

you're cheap.

How come I never

knew that till now?

F*** you! You're a f***ing

a**hole, you know that?

Oh, yeah.

Came to talk?

Only empty bench.

Huh--tuh-- you have something

in your ear right here.

What are you talking about?

- No, it's, like, in your ear.

It's red.

You got it.

Leonard!

Leonard!

Leonard!

Do you have "gaydar"?

What?

Radar for gay people.

Well, I know a few things,

if that's what you mean.

Coo'. We're gonna do

a gaydar test.

We'll scan the park

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