Closer Page #5

Sit back and take notice."

So we go, "Okay, what's the joke?"

And he says:
.

"It's based on A Christmas Carol...

"which is why it seems

so relevant on Christmas Day."

I haven't even seen you for a year.

Yes, you have.

Only because you stalk me

outside my studio.

I don't stalk. I lurk.

And when I'm not there you look for me.

-How do you know if you're not there?

-Because I am there...

Iurking from a distance.

Look at me.

Tell me you're not in love with me.

I'm not in love with you.

You just lied.

I'm your stranger. Jump.

-Hello, stranger.

-Hello.

Intense conversation?

His father died.

Were you spying?

Lovingly observing...

with a telescope.

He's taller than in his photo.

His photo's a headshot.

Yeah, I know.

But his head implied a short body,

when, in fact, his head is deceptive.

Deceptive?

He's actually got a long body.

He's a stringy f***er.

I could have him.

-What?

-lf it came to it, in a scrap, I could have him.

Did you tell him we call him Cupid?

No, that's our joke.

I had a chat with young Alice.

-Fancy her?

-Of course.

-Not as much as you.

-Why not?

You're a woman. She's a girl.

She has the moronic beauty of youth,

but she's sly.

-She seems open to me.

-That's how she wants to seem.

You forget you're dealing with

a clinical observer of the human carnival.

-Am l, now?

-Yes.

You seem more like the cat

that got the cream. Stop licking yourself.

That's the nastiest thing

you've ever said to me.

That's horrible.

I'm sorry.

I'm so sorry.

-Where have you been?

-Work thing.

Had a drink with Harry.

You never have one drink with Harry.

-You know he's in love with you.

-No, he's not.

Is he?

Did you eat?

I'll make you something.

I'm not hungry.

What?

This will hurt.

I've been with Anna.

I'm in love with her.

We've been seeing each other for a year.

It began at her opening.

-Have a nice one.

-Cheers, guvnor.

Don't move.

I want to remember this moment forever.

First time I walked through the door,

returning from a business trip...

to be greeted by my wife.

I have, in this moment, become an adult.

Thanks for waiting up, you darling.

You goddess.

I missed you.

How about some tea?

Jesus, I'm knackered!

-Didn't you sleep on the plane?

-No...

because the permed German next to me

was snoring like a Messerschmitt.

-What's the time?

-About midnight.

Time. What a tricky little f***er.

My head's in two places.

My brain actually hurts.

-Do you want some food?

-No, I need a bath.

-I'll run it for you.

-No, I'll have a shower.

You okay?

How was the thing?

As dermatological conferences go,

it was a riot.

How was the hotel?

Someone told me that

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