Close Relations

Synopsis: Young Wilbur Wart gets a letter from a man who may be his rich uncle. It seems the uncle is dying and looking for heirs to leave his fortune to. On his way to his uncle's place, he gets into a fight with a man who turns out to be his long-lost cousin Harry, who is also on his way to the uncle's. Wilbur and Harry both plot to screw the other out of the inheritance, but it turns out that there may be more to the uncle than there seems to be.
21 min


Mr. Wart? Dr. Carver is here.

Well, what do you stand there

gaping for? Show him in.

Never seen a girl like it.

"The doctor comes here."

Thats what's wrong with these

they drive everybody crazy.

- Morning, Mr. Wart. -Here I'm sitting

here, and "Dr. Carver is here."

- Morning, Mr. Wart. -Well what do you

expect me to do? "Dr. Carver is here."

- He doesn't hear anything. -So Carver's

here. She's the dumbest I've ever seen.

- Good morning, Mr. Wart. -Can't expect

the doctor standing out in the rain.

- Maybe I ought to go out and come in?

- Man could catch cold waiting to see me.

- Woo-ooh! Woo-ooh! Mr. Wart!

- My doctor, a good fellow man, gonna...

- HELLO! -Oh, good morning,

Dr. Carver. Sit down.

Say, you're my closest friend.

I want you to do a favor for me.

Just imagine.

I want you to try to locate all the Wart

family. That is, those that are living.

If there's a Wart left on the

face of the earth, Ill get him.

Yes, but make sure they're

Warts and not Moles!

- Moles?

- Yes, Moles.

Many years ago, one of the Moles

married into the Wart family.

And they are known to be

mentally, uh... mentally, uh...

- Do you mean psychopathic?

- No. Nuts!

And I dont want any of my fortune left

to anyone whos got Mole blood in them.

Yeah... but how are you going

to tell a Wart from a Mole?

I can tell a Wart from a Mole

the minute I look at one.

Bah! The Moles are all crazy.

Mr. Wilbur Wart,

Believe you are one of missing Warts.

If you can prove you are a Wart,

suggest you come at once... Uncle Ezra Wart

is drawing up a new will.

Signed, Dr. I. Carver.

Hmm... Lucky boy.

Say, could you tell me

what time the 8:
15 leaves?

Why, you big blimp!

I'll help you, mister.


- I'm sorry, sir. -You're

sorry? You should be sorr...

Look out! Look what you're

doing to my suitcase.

Now wait a minute,

mister, I can explain.

Oh, you can explain, can you? Well,

here's one for the trip.

And here's one for the fall.

And here's one for the suitcase!

And here's one for the...

All aboard!

If I didn't have to catch

this train, I'd murder you.

I hope I meet you again,

some place, some time.

Track 5, straight ahead.

- Hopsville train. -You've got lots of

time. The train is 20 minutes late.

- What? Do you mean to tell me I've

got 20 minutes to spare? -Yeah.

This is going to be the

happiest 20 minutes of my life.

- Have you got a sore

throat? -No, sir.

- Have you got something

in your eye? -No, sir.

- Have you got

teeth? -Yes, sir.

Well, you're gonna have a sore throat,

something in your eye, and no teeth!

Fight! Fight! Fight!

Stand back here! Stop that

fight! Hey! Stand back!

Give 'em air there, watch that!

Get back there! Stop this!

And the next time I meet that guy, I'm

gonna give him another good licking.

Well, I've located the last two

remaining Warts:
Harry and Wilbur.

- Where are they? -They'll be here today.

nurse, Mr. Wart's pills, please.

Thanks. Now I feel better.

- Sounds as though someone was at

the door. -Hmm. How'd you guess it?

Did you ring?

Uh huh.

And who are you?

Me? Why, I'm Wilbur Wart.

Just imagine. Yes... yes... your face

looks like a Wart. Come right in.

Just come right in and sit

down. Make yourself at home.

Your uncle's been waiting for

you. This is Wilbur, your nephew.

How do you do, Uncle?

- Oh, I'm sorry, uncle, I'm sorry.

- That's alright. Accidents will happen!

- Please, please. -Guess he

doesnt like it. It hurts him.

Well, the other Wart, Harry,

will be here any minute now.

- Yeah... you've never met your

cousin Harry, have you? -No, Uncle.

Well, I hear he's a nice boy. I think

you two will get along well together.

- Just imagine. I guess somebody's at

the door again. -You guessed it again.

- Who are you?

- I'm a Wart.

Well, it looks like a regular

epidemic of Warts. Come in.

My, you're looking well!

This is your other nephew, Harry Wart.

Just the image of your father.

Meet your cousin, Wilbur.

How do you do...

I'm sorry, Uncle. I'm sorry!

You must remember, your uncle

isn't the Wart he used to be.

Nevermind that. Get down to business.

Tell them what they're here for.

Well, Warts, your great-grandmother

Lizzie Wart married a man named Mole...

...who, uh, well, to put it mildly,

was mentally, uh...

- Psychopathic?

- No. Nuts!

And I don't want to leave a dollar of my

fortune to anyone who's got Mole blood.

There's no Mole in me,

Uncle. I'm a real Wart.

Yes, sir. And there's

no bigger Wart than me!

Now, remember:
if I catch any 1 of you 2

acting peculiar I'll know you're a Mole.

Just imagine.

Hey, Uncle. What's that?


Nevermind that. I've got some

business with the doctor.

Take a walk. Get the

air. Get acquainted.

That's a good idea. Come on...

Now, wait. Uncle, if it's all the

same to you, can I stay inside?

No, get out. Get out!

Come on, come on.

We'll have a lot of fun...

Here. Now we're going to

get acquainted very good.

Wait a minute. Stand right up there.

- Do you see that?

- Uh huh.

You boys getting acquainted?

Yeah, we're doing alright, Uncle.

I'll see you later, Wilbur.

Alright, Harry.

What's that?

Alcohol. I'm going to

give you a rubdown.

Uncle, doggone it, you've always

got the best of everything.

Say, Uncle, what is that?

Shhh. That's just the reason why I dont

want any Mole blood in my family.

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Glen Lambert

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Submitted on August 05, 2018

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    "Close Relations" STANDS4 LLC, 2024. Web. 29 May 2024. <>.

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