Chris Tucker Live Page #3

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I don't know when the hell you're

gonna jump out of everywhere, and..."

"It's your fault.

You knew I had to work today."

Be careful, though, fellas.

If you wanna get married,

ask the right people.

Don't ask the wrong people,

because they give you the wrong advice

'cause their marriage is messed up.

Ask the right people,

'cause I asked my Uncle John.

I said, "Uncle John,

I'm thinkin' about gettin' married.

What do you think?"

He was like,

"Don't do no stupid sh*t like that.

Don't do no stupid sh*t like that.

You're free. Get out there, boy.

You're a black stallion.

Get out there and buck!

Get out there and buck, boy!"

[audience laughing]

"Get out there and have some fun!

You're free."

I said, "Uncle John,

you'll put your back out

actin' like that. Stop it."

I ain't ask him nothin' else.

I asked my granddaddy

'cause I thought

my granddaddy'd give me better advice.

I said, "Granddaddy,

I'm thinkin' about gettin' married.

What do you think?"

I thought he'd give me good advice.

He told me...

He said he glad he recorded his weddin',

so he can rewind it

and walk away a free man.

[audience laughing and applauding]

Any married couples like their marriages?

-That's good. That's beautiful.

-[audience applauding]

I haven't been married.

I'm scared to get married. I'm scared.

I just made some money.

I ain't tryin' to lose

the sh*t right away.

Marriage sometimes ain't

a good business deal.

I'm looking, you know.

I'm looking, though, but, you know,

I need a woman gonna help me, though.

I don't care nothin' about fine.

You gotta be more than fine.

You gotta be able to--

-[audience cheering and applauding]

-That's right.

You gotta be able to do some other stuff.

You got to be able to fill out

a 1099 and sh*t.

That's right.

You need to be able to help me out

with my taxes and sh*t.

You better have

an accounting degree to be with me.

Take care of your business, man.

Don't listen to people.

Do your own business.

Be careful who you listen to,

'cause that's the last time I let

Wesley Snipes help me out with my taxes!

[audience laughing]

[scoffing]

Almost got both our asses locked up, man.

I'm gonna kick Wesley's ass!

I wanted to Passenger 57 his ass!

Nino Brown his ass.

I'm serious, man.

He told me and Ron Isley the same thing.

Ron Isley was pissed off.

I talked to him last night.

Ron's still mad about it. He said,

I'm-a kick Wesley's ass

[vocalizing]

I said,

"Ron, let it go, let it go!

Put the cane down!

Put the cane down, Ron.

You don't wanna do this."

Wesley gonna tell us that mess...

We was out one night in Hollywood,

he gonna tell me

we didn't have to pay taxes.

"Man, we ain't gotta pay

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