Child of Glass

We leave the two of you

alone for one summer

to go and visit Grandma,

and you move us lock, stock,

and barrel to some,

to some dilapidated old house

clear out in the boonies.

My social life's goin'

right down the drain.

Oh, now, don't you worry, honey.

No southern gentleman worth his salt's

gonna let a few miles

stand between him

and a pretty girl like you.

You're gonna be with the same friends

in the same school,

and it's just five miles further out.

Besides, it's not every day you get

a chance to buy a piece of history.

"Perhaps the most picturesque

"and atmospheric

of the river plantations

"was the famous Dumaine Estate

in Jefferson County.

"In the days prior to the Civil War,

"the stately manor house was the scene

of many elegant balls until... "

Well... You see?

It'll be just like that again

as soon as we get it fixed up.

Until what?

Oh, nothing, nothing.

I... I read you the most important parts.

Then, come on, Mama.

Let's see what we're really gettin' into.

Now, Connie Sue, give that book back.

That is my book.

Now, now, no fighting'

while I am drivin' this car.

Hey, no wonder.

- Oh, really!

Listen. "Until the estate fell into ruin

"under the ownership of a retired

riverboat captain

"named Jacques Dumaine

"whose fondness for the bottle

was matched

"only by his obsession for gambling. "

Oh, come on now, Connie Sue.

Give me the book.

- Wait a minute, Mama, there's more.

- I mean it. I'll park the car

and you can go read it in the woods

if you want.

It is my book. Oh, I'm so angry!

I'm really...

"The final infamy came to the house

in the fall of 1862

"when the old man went insane

"and hung himself

in the hayloft of the barn. "

Far out!

Far out? It's gross, that's what it is.

Oh, now, come on, children.

That is just enough.

Now, Mama, what kind of

a weird place are you dragging' us off to?

We are not dragging you off

to any place.

Your father and I have purchased

a perfectly astonishing example

of authentic Antebellum architecture.

Haven't we, Joe?

I suppose, children, if your mother

is determined to re-live

Gone with the Wind, I think

the least we can do is humor her.

Oh, ho, ho, really?

Since when was it all my idea?

Yeah,

was a bargain, I guess.

Who could resist a "fixer upper. "

A "fixer upper"?

How much of a "fixer upper"?

Oh, it's just a, uh, few little things,

you know, here and there.

I think it's gonna be neat livin'

in that old riverboat captain's house.

Right.

There's the turnoff, Dad.

Well, what do you think?

Isn't it just the most divine place

you ever did see?

I know you and Daddy

are stoked on history,

but I do hope, at least,

there's indoor plumbin'.

Your enthusiasm

is simply overwhelming.

Come on, Penelope,

it won't be that bad.

I reckon we're the only romantics

in this family, Em.

Alexander, give me a hand

with the luggage, son.

- Alex, come on. Get a move on.

- Oh, yeah.

Here you go.

And that, too. That's it. Okay.

- it's so huge, it looks like a museum.

- Well, now...

You're gonna need

a whole store full of furniture.

Well, darlin', I don't see

where that's such a problem...

- Hi there.

- It's so big.

- You like it?

- It's different.

Well, it's not much different

than the other house.

I mean, that was a colonial, too.

Yeah, I know, but this house feels old.

Well, it is old.

That's why your mother and I wanted it.

Hey, where's my room?

Well, it's right u!) there

at the end of the stairs, first door.

Here, here. Take the white ones. Go on.

- Mama, don't baby me.

- I'm not babying you,

but you're so unhappy,

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