Chain of Fools

Synopsis: "Chain of Fools" is a heist comedy-romance about a hapless barber whose life takes a turn for the worse when he ends up in possession of a stolen treasure of ancient coins (the "Shiny New Enemies") and simultaneously falls on the wrong side of the law and in love with the detective investigating the crime.
Genre: Comedy, Crime
Production: WARNER BROTHERS PICTURES
 
IMDB:
6.1
R
Year:
2000
98 min
Website
15 Views


I hadn't planned on becoming a hero

when I walked onto that bridge...

...but this is a story

about how none of my plans work out.

And how, really, that's a good thing.

This whole mess started yesterday

when Avnet came into my shop.

- You open?

- Yeah, I'm open.

Doesn't seem like it.

Haircut? I need a haircut.

Haircut, yeah.

What kind of haircut would you like?

A quick haircut. I have stuff I have to do.

Just like that is fine. See that?

- Would you like a magazine to look at?

- Yeah.

Golden.

"Cops Out of Uniform"?

I hope none of these pages

are stuck together.

I turned right to it.

Where's our...

There she is.

Baby.

I'd do this...

I'd make a rubby, I'd make a spanky...

She could strip-search me,

but she's still a fucking cop.

- This weather is really something, isn't it?

- Hey, no small talk.

Did you hear about those coins

that were stolen from the museum...

...Shiny New Enemies?

What did they say?

Sounds like professionals?

The paper said that it was kind of botched.

The robbers almost got caught.

Can we please stick to the haircut?

Hey, look, a customer.

Must be your lucky day.

Karen, hi.

I thought I told you

not to use the back door.

Whatever. I have a little favor to ask you.

I need someone to take care of my affairs.

I'm going out of town.

Pick up the paper, water my plants,

walk and feed my precious little Dave.

You being my ex-husband,

I thought you would be the logical choice.

Karen, I'm not your ex-husband.

I'm still your husband.

We're just separated.

I took care of that problem.

I filed for divorce this morning.

Divorce?

What did you do? I'm bleeding.

I'm technically bleeding.

- Here.

- What's your fucking problem?

Look at this.

I'm sorry,

my wife is in the process of leaving me...

Your ex-wife.

I'm scarred for life. Look at that.

It's just a scratch. You'd be surprised

how resilient ears can be.

Just keep the pressure on. I'm sorry.

- Can we talk about this in private, please?

- Do we have to?

- What happened to the hair?

- Don't worry, this won't take long.

Nothing with Kresk ever does.

Barber?

I'm going to make a phone call

with my good ear...

...but be back by the time I'm done. Go!

Bollingsworth, Avnet here.

Will you put the scissors down?

You're making me nervous.

Divorce? It sounds so...

...final. Can we at least talk about this?

What's the point? I'm really sick of you.

It puts a damper on our relationship.

But what about the reconciliation

that our counselor was talking about?

F*ck reconciliation.

It might interest you to know

I'm going to Italy with our counselor.

You're sleeping with Dr. Kenny?

I like to think of it as therapy.

Here.

Dave needs one of these pills twice a day

or he will bloat up and die.

And, Kresk, try not to f*ck this up. Ciao.

Dr. Kenny?

I'll mail the letter, go back to my place

and get those Shiny New Enemies.

Then I'm going to surprise my lady

with the good news.

Then we're going to France to see

how the European papers cover your trial.

Goodbye, Bollingsworth, old man.

You little eavesdropper.

What?

I see what you're doing. You're listening.

I didn't hear anything about those...

Wow, this isn't your lucky day, barber.

Your wife is leaving you and...

...I'm killing you.

I'm not going to tell anybody.

I know that, but I must tell you one thing

before I kill you.

I've never met a worse barber in my life.

By killing you,

I'm doing "barberism" a huge favor.

It's just a scratch.

911, what's your emergency?

Hello? Hello?

Wait.

I'm really sorry

about the scissors-in-the-neck thing.

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Bix Skahill

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Submitted on August 05, 2018

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"Chain of Fools" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2020. Web. 6 Aug. 2020. <https://www.scripts.com/script/chain_of_fools_5269>.

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