Central Intelligence

1

And now, it's time for a breakdown.

Mmm, mmm, mmm, yeah...

Man, I told you Robbie Wheirdicht

showers here during first period.

Why doesn't he just shower at home

like a normal person?

Look at him.

Does anything about that

look normal to you?

You know, he's actually

a pretty good dancer.

I mean, f*ck that guy is different!

Let's wreck him.

Hey, Weird Dick!

Come on.

Finally, young ladies and young gentlemen,

it is my pleasure

to announce that the winner

of the National High School

Student of the Year Award

is none other than your very own

two-time student body president,

the captain of

Central High's All Valley track team,

president of the drama club

and the senior voted

"Most Likely to Succeed."

I gotta tell you folks,

after 40 years as an educator,

he is my favorite student.

I wish he were my son

if I were medically able to have children.

He's everybody's

favorite all-around guy...

Calvin "The Golden Jet" Joyner! Come on!

Golden Jet! Golden Jet! Golden Jet!

Oh, my goodness.

Wow! Wow, guys.

Hey! How about a hand

for Principal Kent, huh?

Huh?

Honestly, if my mom

was into white guys, it would be you.

I know it would, okay?

Well, as we all know,

this is our last assembly,

which means this is the last time

in front of you guys

that I'll be able to tell

the most beautiful girl in the world...

I'm talking about you, Maggie Johnson,

that I love you. I love you, baby. I do.

I'm gonna put it in my pocket.

I'll save it.

Okay.

All right, guys. We're seniors now.

And once we get those diplomas,

the decisions that we make after that

are all up to us.

I don't know what path

life is gonna take me on.

But I can promise you all this...

That I, for one, will push myself

at every stage, at every step.

So, I got one question to ask.

I got one question for

the graduating class of 1996

and that's "Will you..."

Check out my Weird Dick!

Hey. Here, here, man.

Thank you.

Well, there's no coming back from that.

Calvin Joyner, everybody,

voted "Most Likely to Succeed."

Golden Jet! Golden Jet! Golden Jet!

Yo. Check it.

Oh, come on, man.

I don't want to see that.

Oh, no, no, it's my dick.

I know what it is. I don't want to see it.

Hilarious.

No, I'm working on this new sexting app.

It's kind of like Instagram, right?

But, instead of filters,

it just makes your junk look huge.

Like, three to six inches bigger.

It's called "Junk Mail." Clever, right?

- No, and here's why...

- Sorry, hang on, one second.

I'm just gonna...

What are you doing?

Okay, and send.

Sorry, you were saying something boring.

You just sent a dick pic.

It's called dating, grandma. Look it up.

Why are you all cranky-pants

this morning, huh?

Oh. It's because Ethan got promoted

instead of you?

Ethan got promoted?

Youngest senior associate

in the history of the firm.

Corner office, the whole deal.

Didn't he used to be your assistant?

Who cares? Hey, you should

come to lunch with us.

We're gonna be celebrating his pro-mosh!

It'll probably be good for you

to kiss the ring a bit.

"Kiss the ring a bit"?

Hey, you play your chessboard

however you like, okay?

Me, lunch today?

I'm gonna French kiss that thing.

Aah...

I can't. I'm taking my wife

to lunch today, so...

All right. Bummer for you.

Right?

Can you just get out of my face?

# Blessed.

To a guy I not only consider my coworker,

but my personal friend.

- To Ethan!

- Cheers!

Do you wanna move tables?

I know this kind of sucks.

No, no. It doesn't suck.

Hey, if I wanted to get

one of those ice teas

but I want most of it to be bourbon...

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