Carry On Sergeant Page #2

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- What's your name?

- Strong.

Horace Strong.

- Corporal Copping!

- Sergeant!

Private er...Strong...on sick report tomorrow.

- Anyone else?

- Ooh er...please, sir.

And don't call me sir. Sergeant to you.

- Are you feeling sick too?

- Oh, no, Sergeant.

Um... I want some leave.

Leave? Why, you've only just arrived, son.

But it's vital, Sergeant. Compassionate.

What happened...

All right, all right, you don't have to tell the world.

Copping!

- This man to see the Company Commander.

- Thank you, Sergeant.

Not now! When you're sent for. Get back in line.

- But, Sergeant...

- Quiet!

l never did!

What's that?

Haven't you ever seen a guitar, Sergeant?

Where've you been living?

Right here, you numbskull!

Where you're gonna live for the next ten weeks!

- With that banjo out of sight!

- Banjo?

Yes. Out of sight. Understand?

- l dig.

- You'll dig, all right.

I'lI see to that.

- We've met.

- Yes, Sergeant.

And no more skylarking, right?

Or you're for it, got it?

Yes.

Sergeant.

Corporal! Empty bed!

- Where's that man?

- Er...I don't know, Sergeant.

- What's his name?

- His name's Golightly.

- l might have known it. Find him!

- Sergeant.

Golightly!

SERGEANT:
At the double!

- Private Golightly!

I'm so sorry.

Hello. Did someone call?

- Golightly, where have you been?

- Must I say?

Come here!

At the double!

Where have you been?

Well, l... (Clears throat)

..got locked in somewhere.

You see, l... Oh, dear. Have you hurt yourseIf?

- I've got some lotion here.

- Quiet, the lot of you!

Oh, do stop shouting, please.

- You there!

- ls that remark addressed to me?

- Stand to attention when I'm talking!

- Why?

Why? Do as you're told, you're in the army, son!

Oh, not quite. I'm still a civilian.

With civilian rights.

Don't shout, please.

What is your name?

Please.

Bailey. James Bailey.

- How do you do?

- Fine. Absolutely bloody fine.

But I'lI feel even better once you're in uniform.

Thank you, Sergeant.

All right, carry on, Corporal.

As you were.

(Door closes)

- The Sergeant doesn't seem to like us.

l wonder why.

l dunno. Why does it happen to me?

lsn't there any justice?

You don't want to worry, Sergeant.

lt'll be all right.

lt'll be what? You were there. You saw them.

Out of 24 men,

I'm lumbered with one hypochondriac,

one natural-born candidate for the glasshouse,

a rock 'n' roller, a shadow of a man

haunted by Lord knows what,

and a popsy-chasing layabout,

and some idiot who gets himseIf locked in...

well, you know where.

Yes, but l mean, look...

Any one of those clots

could sabotage the squad!

But I've got 'em all! About turn.

We're 24 per cent non-effective before we start!

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