Carry on Jack

We must have more men, Hardy,

more men.

When you get back, tell them.

Tell them we need more men.

We need a bigger Navy.

We must have more recruits.

You mustn't talk so much, sir.

You must save your strength.

I know.

Kiss me, Hardy.

I beg your pardon, sir?

Kiss me, Hardy.

Are you mad?

What will they say at the Admiralty, sir?

They'll only be jealous.

I don't know. You're very weak, sir.

It may not be good for you.

Told you so.

It is usual for a cadet to spend a year

at the Naval Academy

before qualifying and passing out,

but you seem to be a somewhat

exceptional case, having taken...

Let me see.

- Eight and a half years, sir.

- Exactly, Albert Decker.

Eight and a half years.

The name is Poop-Decker, sir.

I have a hyphen.

According to this report,

you have more than that.

But as we are short of men,

we can't afford to be fussy.

No, sir. I'm sure I shall pass out all right

next year, sir.

I admire your confidence, Decker,

but, unfortunately,

England cannot wait that long.

While we're at war with Spain, we need

every able-bodied man we can get.

I use the term "able-bodied" loosely,

of course.

In your case, we've decided to forgo

the usual formalities of passing out,

and present you with your

Midshipman's sword immediately.

- Oh, thank you, sir.

- And thank you.

Put it on.

Put it on!

Yes, sir.

You will proceed to Plymouth

and join His Majesty's frigate Venus.

Aye aye, sir.

And please remember, Mr Poop-Decker,

that you are a member of His Majesty's

Navy, and try and act accordingly.

Don't worry, sir. You can depend on me.

That is what I am afraid of.

Whoa, there!

Plymouth town!

Hurry up, Captain Blood,

or the war'll be over.

- Be careful or I'll start another one.

- I wouldn't put it past you.

You insolent dog! Get my bag down.

You dare.

Go on! Get up!

You watch where you're going!

Thank you!

Oh, well.

They'll never know if I don't pull it out.

Ow!

Take you to the docks, Cap'n?

Oh, yes. I want the frigate Venus.

If you think he can make it?

Don't you worry about young

Lightning Legs. He'll be all right.

- Take your bag?

- Thank you.

- Hey up!

- Argh!

Wait.

Wait! Stop a minute!

Whoa! Wait a minute!

Stop it! Wait a minute!

Whoa!

There we are, Cap'n.

That'll be just a crown, please.

A crown? There's no bottom in that thing.

I've run all the way!

Well, it's better than walkin', isn't it?

- It's daylight robbery.

- Thank you, Cap'n. There's your ship.

Oh, good. I must find Captain Fearless.

You won't find nobody

aboard her now, Cap'n.

- Why not?

- She sails first thing in the morning.

They've all gone ashore

to get a last bit of you-know-what.

- You-know-what?

- And I know where too.

If I were you, I'd step ashore yourself.

You would?

It'll be many a long day

afore you see a young wench again.

Again? But I've never...

Well, of course, I wouldn't mind a bit of...

You-know-what!

Providing they're well-brought up ladies.

Don't you worry, Cap'n,

I know the perfect place

for a gentleman of quality like yourself.

Good. How do I get there?

No, not again.

Half-fare, sir, as you're partly driving,

as you might say.

You're on.

We're going for a bit of...

Forward!

Is that right, Ned? The Venus leaves

for Spanish waters tomorrow?

That's right, my lovely. What of it?

Do you think

you could you smuggle me aboard?

- What for?

- No questions asked.

Oh-ho! That's different.

Well, what about it?

Supposing I did.

What would I get for me trouble?

I've got five sovereigns saved up.

I don't want your money, my lovely.

You know what I want.

Rate this script:(5.00 / 1 vote)