Carry on Girls

And since I am strongly of the opinion...

...that we are already providing

more than enough entertainment for visitors,

I wish to propose the motion

that the provision of more

would be detrimental

to the good name of the borough.

- Knickers.

- Please, Councillor!

- Strike that from the minutes, Miss Drew.

- I beg your pardon, Your Worship?

Don't take down "knickers".

Chance would be a fine thing,

wouldn't it, love?

Councillor Fiddler, I really must request you to

moderate your language when in committee.

I second that.

I do beg the committee's pardon, Your Worship.

But all this bleeding codswallop about mucking

up the name of the borough gets on my wick.

- Should I...

- No, no.

Oh, gorblimey, why don't we face facts?

We don't attract visitors to this dump because

there's nothing for them to flipping do!

Of course, we are well aware that Mr Fiddler

would like to see more people

in that so-called amusement arcade of his,

playing on those dreadful machines.

You're dead right. Do you know how much

What the Butler Saw took last season?

1.60... that works out

at about two pence a grope.

Please.

I really do feel that we are somewhat

straying from the point here.

That is the point! It's the only indoor amusement

we have, except snogging under the bandstand.

I do feel, you know,

that Councillor Fiddler does have a point there,

considering our very high

seasonal rainfall figure.

Oh, really, Mr Mayor?

Personally, I think it is quite an average one.

If you think nine inches is an average one,

you've been spoilt.

Yes...

yes, yes.

Does anyone else have any useful suggestions?

- I have.

- What is that, Councillor?

- Miss Fircombe.

- I beg your pardon?

Miss Fircombe... a beauty queen! That's

what we want. All the best resorts have 'em.

Mr Mayor, I think we have wasted

quite enough time here today,

and I propose that you close the meeting.

Please. Mrs Prodworthy, please.

I do feel that the proposal

merits some discussion.

Mr Mayor, you are well aware

of my views on women's rights.

And there can never be anything proper in

young women being shown off like cattle,

for the sexual gratification

of a lot of drooling men.

Bowls.

I beg your pardon, Alderman Pratt?

A bowls competition. That's what we need.

Poor old Pratt! He really will have to go.

And so will I. We've heard quite enough rubbish

spoken here today.

Oh, but we still wish to hear yours,

Mrs Prodworthy.

Your views, I mean.

I think I have made myself perfectly clear.

And as far as I am concerned,

the matter is closed.

Good morning.

Oh, dear, dear, dear, dear.

I'm afraid that's that, then.

We're still in committee.

I propose we put it to the vote.

- What? Without Mrs Prodworthy?

- We've still got a quorum.

Yes.

Yeah, all right, then.

All those in favour of the motion

to hold a beauty contest?

One only.

How about you?

You were all for it a moment ago.

Very well.

All those against?

Two also.

I'm afraid we still haven't a majority, Councillor.

Hang on just a minute.

Oi! You're all for it, ain't you?

Yes... any time.

Carried.

- Morning, madam.

- Good morning, William.

Mrs Dukes.

- Let me give you a hand, Mrs Dukes.

- Thank you, William.

It's been a...

Go. One, two, three.

Thank you, William. Are you all right now?

Yes, thank you. It were just a touch of... eugh.

I generally get it at this time of the... whay!

Yes, it's the sea air.

Yes.

Hello, Mrs Dukes.

I thought you were going to the cinema.

I did, but I had to leave. A young man sat next to

me and started to make improper suggestions.

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