Call Me Lucky Page #4

and my brother would

talk back to her

in a voice like John Wayne.

My mother... and we would

just crack up, you know'?

Because it's my younger

brother talking to...

"Get ahold of yourself, mom. "

- And we rode around all

day in the back roads,

smoking cigars

and drinking beers.

- Yeah, we went down

to Watkins Glen.

H was 1973.

Grateful Dead playing,

The Band

and The Allman Brothers.

So, you know,

we get there the first night.

We're camping out in tents.

Huge thunderstorm comes up.

Crimmins is all of a

sudden out of the tent

with an umbrella,

looking for something.

You know, a beer or something,

you know? Whatever.

I happen to be looking,

peeking out of my tent

right at the same time.

All of a sudden this frigging

lightning bolt comes down.

Just fries the friggin umbrella,

Goes off into everywhere.

He told me he was on acid.

Probably... well, yeah.

Crimmins is, like,

running around going, like,

"Wow, did you see that?"

Anybody else would

have been fried.

- It was a good,

centrally located place

for an idyllic childhood.

Except unfortunately

the Catholic church

was only three blocks up there.

- You know, we grew up in

those years Catholic.

Being taken to church

every Sunday.

Barry was always going

to church really early

in the morning

before everybody else.

It was almost like Barry

was a servant of the church.

- There's these early morning

services in all churches,

ostensibly because priests

are supposed to say

a mass every day.

It's, like, apparently

some sort of, like,

milking a cow thing,

I don't know.

There was this priest,

Father Neary,

who hated me and

I couldn't figure out why

'cause I was a sincere kid

trying to do my job.

But early on Neary

gave me the old

pedophile shoulder rub thing.

He started that.

And I just hit him with an

elbow. it was a reflex.

And so I get stuck serving mass

with this monster every day.

And he was really scary.

He looked like

Christopher Lee,

the guy who played Dracula.

I would come in

through the basement

and I would creep in

and be as quiet as possible

because he was terrifying.

And there he would always

be sitting in this chair,

and the stained glass would

be bathing him in this eerie

green and blue and red.

And I would be on the altar

and I would pour the water

to wash his hands

and he would go,

"Are you trying to drown me?"

I would ring the bell.

"You know we don't need...

you're not working with

the fire department. "

Every day,

he just made my life miserable.

He tried to get me into

his car a couple of times.

"You wanna go get an

ice cream?" No thanks.

- Yeah, we went to the same

high school in Skaneateles.

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