Cadillac Man

I don't know what's

wrong with it.

You guys were supposed

to service this thing!

I don't know why he

didn't service it.

I don't know.

Why don't you guys take a suck

on that tailpipe?

Son of a b*tch!

I don't know what the hell

I'm going to do now.

Hot.

Blown engine, right?

The engine's blown to hell.

Want me to call you a tow truck?

We got help coming.

Really.

Joey O'Brien, Turgeon Auto.

Finest automobiles

by the world's great carmakers.

Great. Just what I need.

A goddamn car salesman.

You know, you're in

a very dignified profession.

People rely upon you

for the last images...

they have of their loved ones,

and this ain't a pretty picture.

Oh, please, I'm trying to bury

a guy, not buy a hearse.

I'm talking a deal.

Dealer invoice?

Come on by tomorrow.

We're having

a one-time-only sale...

of all our luxury vehicles.

I'll customize

anything you want.

I will personally walk you

through every step of the deal.

We'll have your business

back on its feet by Monday...

back from the dead,

you might say.

- Excuse me.

- Sorry.

If I might interrupt...

What are you doing

about my husband?

We've arranged

for a pickup truck.

I did not spend $10,000...

to have my Ralph can'ted around

in a pickup truck!

I'll put you out of business.

Or better still,

I'll take you to court.

I'll bury you for this!

- Madam.

- What is it?

My deepest condolences.

May I suggest that we

move your husband along...

as quickly as possible

to his last resting place?

Because, as you can see,

it's a very, very hot day...

and there is

no air conditioning...

so I think we should

get him out of the sun...

as quickly as possible.

Please.

I'll gladly lend a hand.

Please, gentlemen.

Oh, be careful.

This guy needs to go on a diet.

Please, that's the widow, man.

What did she feed the guy?

Life's crazy, isn't it?

Here I am, driving along,

minding my own business...

when opportunity knocks.

Be careful.

All right, get the flowers.

Jesus.

He's in there.

This must be

very stressful for you.

She's got to be well-off.

He'll be all right.

Don't you worry.

This is a nice box.

He must have carried

a big life policy.

Thanks a lot. This isn't

even your funeral.

I do for you, maybe one day

you do for me.

Maybe.

She could use some cheering up

at a time like this...

and people get a lot

of pleasure from a new car.

She'll want to

get on with her life.

Can I?

You can't do this.

You can't sell a widow a car

at her husband's funeral.

People will think that's

a little insensitive.

But most people

think that car salesmen...

are the scum

of the earth, anyway.

May I help you

back to your car?

Thank you.

Your husband must

have been a fine man.

He was a fine man.

A man who took care of you

all of his life.

Never denied you anything.

Nothing.

Ralph denied me nothing.

He was a good provider.

Now that he's gone,

I'm sure he wouldn't want you...

to deny yourself in his absence.

Joey O'Brien, Turgeon Auto.

- What is this?

- My business card.

You're not trying

to sell me a car, are you?

At my husband's funeral?

Before he's even in the ground?

Are you?

You sleaze.

You are the scum of the earth.

Not every sale works out,

but I've got to keep trying...

because you know why?

A lot of them do work out...

and when they do,

I feel great...

because I'm making

someone happy.

It's like I'm making

a friend...

what I like to call

a relationship for life.

I love to sell.

It's pathological, I guess.

At that moment,

that point of sale...

I cannot get any closer

to another human being...

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