Bunny and the Bull

Synopsis: Stephen has agoraphobia and, in the flat he won't leave, meticulously labels and stores everything from nail clippings to urine. In long flashbacks we see a trip to the continent he took with his only friend Bunny, an outgoing, inveterate gambler. The European trip is a bit dull (Stephen wants to visit every museum imaginable) until one night in Poland they meet Eloisa, a Spanish waitress, and offer to drive her home for her city's fiesta. We can guess that the trip won't end well - because Stephen is now stuck in his flat with occasional visits from Bunny - but will anything in the reverie move Stephen to action?
Genre: Comedy, Drama
Director(s): Paul King
Production: Warp X
  1 win & 2 nominations.
Rotten Tomatoes:
101 min

For sometime now Stephen Turnbull

has been a man of routine.

Everyday he showers for 27 minutes...

brushes for 4...

gargles for 8...

and flosses for 7.

He then files the floss...

stacks his urine...

and notes its pH

Next he washes everything

that has so far touched his body

completes a 200-page book

of bumper crosswords

and watches 8 episodes of

Ray Mears' Extreme Survival on video tape.

Remember, you should always

carry a parachute.

Then it's time for lunch.


Stephen eats the same meal-

a freeze-dried vegetarian lasagne,

hermetically sealed

for maximum life expectancy

But today something is different

Today there is a break in his

carefully-orchestrated routine.

Today Stephen will attempt to do

something he hasn't done

for over a year.


Stephen will try to leave the house.

Ahoy there, matey,

and welcome to Captain Crab.

He sails the 7 seas

so you don't have to,

bringing you the freshest produce

which will have you hooked, line and sinker.

Before we hoist anchor,

tell me your name, sailor.

- Stephen Turnbull.

- And where do you hail from?

King's Cross, London,

N1 9KM.

Would you like to order fish-

such as cod, sole, haddock

halibut, mackerel, catfish, krill...


Would you like to order crustacean-

such as crab, lobster, prawn, scallop...


Would you like to order

the vegetarian option?


Great choice, shipmate.

Today's vegetarian option is...

Mixed vegetables.

Sounds delicious!

There's nothing that

the Captain likes more

than to chow down

on a hearty plate of...

Mixed vegetables.

My personal favourite!

To complete the order, just say

"Feed me."


Say "Feed me."

Say "Feed me."

Say "Feed me."

Say "Feed me."

Feed me.

We surely will, shipmate.

Now relax,

your order is sailing your way

Welcome to Captain Crab, sir.

Please take a seat.

Hey dude.

You look gorgeous.

She's gonna love you.

This is it?


You told me you'd booked me a table

in a world-class seafood restaurant.

- And?

- This place is a dump.

What the f*ck are you talking about?

It's incredible. I eat here all the time.

I've been waiting for this day

for 3 years, Bunny.

I'm hardly going to tell Melanie I love her

in a Captain Crab.

Hey, come on.

I've saved you the best table

in the house, buddy.

Hit the lights, Ray.

Now, listen to me.

You're ready, all right? You're gorgeous.

You've carried this girl's

library books for 3 years.

You've even got a PhD to impress her,

for God's sake.

If this piece of chicken

don't wanna work your joint after that,

I'll cut off my right nut.

Thank you.

F*ck her, dude.

The "Friend Zone".

Well, it was 3 years.

In my book, if you haven't had snogsies

by closing time it's game over.

Maybe there's a way back.

No way back from the Friend Zone,


She doesn't see you as a sexual being.

- But I am one.

- I know.

I think you're gorgeous.

So do loads of girls, just...

not in Britain.

That's why we need to hit the road, man.

Find ourselves a country

where you can do something about

those walloping great Space Hoppers

you've got clanging around in your pants.

I'm having a year off sex.

Another one?

Come on, man, give yourself a break.

Let's go on holiday.

I thought you were broke.

All that's about to change.

Who have you got in the 3:40 at Ripon?

Future Proof.

Atlantis Rising.

- Are you mentally ill?

- That horse is a shoe-in.

I know that horse.

It's 50-1 for a reason.


- Is this the Heindberg Theory again?

- No.

There's no way the jockey with

the most aggressive face always wins.

All right, you were right.

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Submitted on August 05, 2018

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