Bruno

---

What's up? I'm Brno.

I live in Austria's coolest city, Vienna.

No big deal. Whatever.

I am the host of Funkyzeit,

the most important TV fashion show

in any German-speaking country,

apart from Germany.

Funkyzeit is ber influential.

In fact, Austrian fashionistas live their lives

according to my "In or Out" list.

In! Autism.

Aus. Chlamydia.

Why is autism so cool at the moment?

-Because it's funny.

-Great.

Through Funkyzeit,

ich have done interviews

mit everyone in the Euro-fashion world.

Can you look into this camera and just say,

"You're watching Funkyzeit mit Brno"?

You are watching Funkyzeit programme

with Brno, and it's really a great show.

Yeah, that's cool. Can you do it, like,

even more like a kind of black guy?

You know, like an afrikanischer...

-Like this?

-Yeah, yeah, yeah.

You are watching

Funkyzeit programme with Brno.

Yo, man. F***, man. Welcome to the jungle.

Something maybe a bit more crazy.

Maybe show a bit of skin

or something like that.

-No, I don't think so.

-Or what about just like one Kugelsack?

One of the balls?

No.

And the most exciting

and amazing thing in the town,

from the fashion streets of Milan,

only for the German girls, my great hairs.

Yo, man.

Modelling, a lot of people think it's easy.

But it's the hardest job in the world, isn't it?

It's very hard. Standing in heels all day,

and everyone's watching you,

so you have to make sure your walk is good.

And, yeah.

Yeah, it's really hard,

'cause you've gotta remember, like,

to put your right leg forward

and then put your left leg forward

and then, like, which one now?

Right leg again, and then, like, the left one.

And then sometimes you even have to turn.

Yeah. And especially the turn. It's so scary.

Being the host from Funkyzeit

means Brno's always

seated on the front row.

Hi. How are you?

You have to lose some weight.

-The kettle is calling the pot black.

-Yeah?

Put your shoulders back.

This is a fashion show, not a slave auction.

Mein personal assistant,

Kookus, is my rock.

He's also mein stylist.

-Do you think the glasses are too much?

-Yeah, I'd lose them.

They're too much like, "Look at me.

"Hey, everybody, look at me.

Look at my glasses."

-Yeah.

-"Everybody, like, stare at my glasses."

He's also my nutritionist.

Yeah, that is good.

I have a second assistant,

but ich can't remember its name.

Brno has known true love twice in his life.

Once, for 7 minutes with Milli from

Milli und Vanilli. No big deal. Whatever.

But for the last 9 years,

ich have been head ber heels in love

mit a pygmy flight attendant called Diesel.

We're just like an ordinary couple,

you know, boring, stay-at-home types.

-Oh, my God. I feel it.

You're getting so big. -Ja.

-How much do you want?

-Just half a glass. Otherwise I get too giggly.

In September 2008,

I left for Milan Fashion Week

to shoot a new season of Funkyzeit.

Brno had backstage access for

the hottest show of the week, de la Prada.

So I wore the jewel of mein wardrobe,

a suit made entirely out of Velcro.

I'm wearing this.

This is a prototype.

It's a Velcro suit made by Frederic Worms.

Pretty cool, right?

It is. I was looking at it, and can I have one?

-Well, it's a prototype. It's a one-off.

-Okay.

-Thank you.

-Yeah. Okay...

-Also... Yeah.

-Can you go out, please?

We'll get out, but don't push me.

Yeah. Okay, no listen.

We haven't finished the thing.

-You go out now.

-Yeah.

Yeah, wait a second.

Take... Get this off...

Stop!

-Thank you.

-Can someone help this guy?

Can you take...

Wait. Get me out of this.

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes