Bringing Down the House
Are you there?
I'm here.
Help me.|My client is going to jail.
Oh, no, she's not.
I think I've got it.
Really?
Look up Hasson v. Conrad.
Similar circumstantial|evidence...
case was thrown out.
Legaleagle, thank you.
You are by far|the most brilliant mind
in this chat room.
Thank you, Lawyer-girl.
I realize we have|certain anonymity here,
but do you, by any chance,|have a name?
It's Charlene.
I missed you yesterday.
How was your day?
Uneventful.
I exercised for an hour|in the morning,
poked around in the yard|in the afternoon,
and visited with a girlfriend|down the block in the evening.
Sounds innocent enough.
Don't let my humdrum day|fool you, now.
I also have a very dark side.
Well, I'm 31
with long, flowing locks|and an athletic body.
Peter, what do you look like?
I'm... a little older...|6'2".
My hair is...|it's light.
Uh, it's boyishly light.
And good night to you,|Lawyer-girl.
Gendler.
- Good morning, Mr. Sanderson.|- Hi.
Morning, Peter.
How are you?
Gentlemen.
Oh, good. Peter's here.|We can begin.
Okay.|On to pressing business.
Word has come to us
that coffee heiress|Mrs. Virginia Arness
has dismissed|her current tax lawyers.
Virginia Arness.
74 years old, born and raised|in Athens, Georgia.
At the age of 13,
she was shipped off to|boarding school in England,
where she's been residing|until just recently.
That was only two days ago.
Impressive.
Now, we've all heard
that Mrs. Arness has|a penchant for thriftiness.
And that she brings new meaning|to the term "conservative."
It's not going to be easy.
She's paranoid|and suspicious. Peter...
I'm her guy.
I'm single.|I'll give her nights, weekends.
Aren't you getting married|on Sunday, Todd?
That's flexible.
And, Peter, I wouldn't|want this to interfere
with your family's|Hawaiian vacation.
You go on.
I got it all taken care of.
Mahalo.
Well, that's very admirable|of you, Todd.
I mean, your youth|definitely makes you an ass...
...et to the company,
especially at the annual|softball game.
But to an archconservative,|74-year-old woman?
What will we do is not charge|Mrs. Arness one single red cent
for her estate planning.
Why?
Because we don't care|about that measly fee.
We use it as a loss leader|to get her corporate business,
the multibillion-dollar|Arness coffee conglomerate.
How may I help you, Howie?
Just thought I'd congratulate|you on turning it around.
Turning what around?
You snaked Gendler.
Please.|Gendler doesn't bother me.
Oh, that's right.|He doesn't bother you.
What the heck was I thinking?
Listen, I thought|maybe after work
you and me go tie one on,
maybe check out|some of the local talent.
Can't. I'm meeting|Mrs. Arness at 6:00.
And by the way,|it's "You and I go tie one on,"
not "You and me go."
Somebody messaging you here.
Who's Lawyer-girl?
Nobody.
Whoa. Did someone make|a blind Internet date?
No. I mean, you know,|well, technically, but no.
I met her|in a legal chat room.
She's, uh, very classy|and smart.
When do you nail her?
I'm courting her tonight|at 7:00.
Oh, jeez. You're courting her.|Sounds like a hot one.
And this is her?
Yeah, she's attractive,|isn't she?
I suppose.|It's not my cup of tea.
What do you...|she is universally cute.
Eh, she's a little too|anemic-Iooking, Petey.
I like my jello to jiggle,|if I'm not being too subtle.
You're not being too subtle.
All right, as long as she spins|your knobs, I'm happy for you.
Have you nailed anyone|since Kate?
Nail... I was|supposed to call her.
Sofia, can you get my wife|on the phone?
- Ex-wife.|- Ex-wife on the phone?
Right away.
Can't help you with this one,|pal. See you later.
Peter, you cannot break|another promise to these kids.
You just can't.
I said I couldn't take them|to Hawaii.
I didn't say|I couldn't take them.
They can spend the week|with me.
They are gonna be|so disappointed.
I can't talk to you right now.
Um... Daddy can't take you|to Hawaii.
Oh, darn.
He always does this.
Sanderson, party of two.
Oh, you're the last|to arrive.
How long has she been here?
Mmm, about 20 minutes.
Was she trouble?
Thank you.
Hello.|I'm Peter Sanderson.
Well, I'm glad|they didn't send a child.
I told them I specifically|wanted someone my own age.
What a wonderful|French bulldog.
My mother had one.|They make great companions.
- What's her name?
His name is|William Shakespeare.
Well, of course.
Now, I've heard about|your unfortunate escapade.
I don't have escapades.
Fiasco with your|previous attorney.
The man was|a thieving criminal.
Just because I have|a lot of money
doesn't give people|the right to overcharge.
I do not enjoy|being taken advantage of.
Which is why our service|is free of charge.
After all, you worked hard|for your money.
I'm an heiress.
An heiress who worked hard|to keep her money.
Now, shall we get down|to business?
Fine.
So, now you may hand over|your proposal.
I'll take it with me.
Proposal?
Well, I was expecting|to meet with you tomorrow.
I was assured|the proposal would be ready
for this afternoon.
I see no point|in our meeting tomorrow.
Excuse me.|Madam, I'm sorry.
We have a no-dog policy|in the lounge.
Unfortunately, I'm gonna have|to ask you to remove the dog.
Excuse me.|I am Mrs. Arness' attorney,
and because there is no sign|posted regarding dogs,
that means there is|no policy toward dogs.
Now, if you want to avoid|a legal situation,
I would suggest|you run to the kitchen
and get some tuna tartare|for William Shakespeare
on the house.
Yes, sir.
I'm terribly sorry, ma'am.
Where and when tomorrow?
Hello, Mr. Sanderson.
Oh, Mrs. Kline.|Always a pleasure.
And when am I going to|get to babysit
with your charming|little Georgey again?
Oh, uh, well, uh, soon,
because he just loves|coming over to your place.
Uh, Mr. Sanderson?
Those Latin people|who were skulking around...
Oh. They were looking|at the Aruda house.
Casing it?
No, uh, to buy it.
Oh, please.
If they're in this block and not|carrying a leaf blower...
Well, I'd love to discuss this|with you further,
but I'm expecting someone.
Hey.
Hi.
I hope you like cham...
...poo.
What's up, baby?
Ooh, champagne.|I love champagne.
This for me?
Oh, I'm sorry. I think|you have the wrong house.
It is damn good|to finally connect.
Pardon me?
It's me, fool... Charlene.
Ooh, food.
What?
It's me, honey.|Your date... Lawyer-girl.
You can't be.
Hey, hey, hey.|Leave that alone.
Well, why can't I?
Because you're not a blonde.
Can't get nothing past you.
You must be|a bomb-ass lawyer.
Oh, look at all|of these pretty candles...
all romantic and sh*t.
Somebody was planning|on getting some booty tonight.
Hey! Leave that alone.|There are settings.
And you can't be Charlene,|because Charlene is more of...
Skinny white broad?
Yeah.
You know, I get that a lot.
But that's your fault|you're thinking that, bro.
You must have not have took|a good look at that picture.
I have looked|at that picture a lot,
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"Bringing Down the House" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2024. Web. 10 Oct. 2024. <https://www.scripts.com/script/bringing_down_the_house_4708>.
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