Born Romantic Page #3

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for a fact that mine's no oil painting.

- No one's ever said that to me.

- What?

- The part you said.

- What part?

The "what a beautiful" part.

What I'm getting at is they only think

they like it because they know we like it.

I don't like it.

- You don't like it?

- No.

- Everybody likes it.

- I don't.

- You know what that is, don't you?

- What?

Fear of intimacy.

- Where to, my friend?

- British Museum.

Find your ex then, mate?

- Yeah. How's it going?

- Fine.

No, she likes the Elgin Marbles.

It's a bit of a long shot, but...

All the best. Think you'll recognize her?

I'll recognize her.

F***.

There you go.

Can't have one myself.

I would normally,

but I've got this terrible urinary infection.

Most likely be cystitis

or something like that.

What is it you do exactly?

I look after the graves

for people who can't.

People who've moved city or emigrated.

They hire people to tidy up the graves,

and fresh flowers, and you know.

That's a good racket.

I send them a Polaroid every month,

just to reassure them. Look.

These are my recent loved ones.

Davidson:
Died suddenly.

I hate that, don't you? "Died suddenly."

McDermott, 34:
Cancer of the tongue.

Family moved to Saskatchewan.

Robertson:
He was a fair age,

but what a horrible way to die.

- How do you mean?

- He was on holiday in Wester Ross.

Swimming, sucked to death

by a basking shark.

What?

They don't have any teeth.

How long you got to wear that?

What? This?

I don't really.

It's just... I hate my neck.

I hate my hands.

And my legs and my nose and ears.

Especially my ears.

I'd be happy without them really.

I could have them surgically removed.

You can do that, you know.

They look fine to me.

I better get back to work.

Are you sure?

Maybe we could go to the pictures

or something?

I'm terrible at things like this,

going out with people.

I'm flattered, obviously,

but I'm just not interested in relationships.

What about tonight?

Do you fancy lunch today?

Yeah, okay.

You know what we should do?

Do you like dancing?

We should go dancing together.

What do you think?

I used to go clubbing a lot

with my ex-girlfriend.

She was a great dancer.

You never met her?

I don't think she came into the shop.

I tell you,

I've had a heavy heart since she left.

She was funny, smart.

You know something else?

I'll never meet a woman like that again.

Sexy, gorgeous...

I think about her constantly.

I just want her back, you know?

I wake up and first thing

I think about is her.

Her eyes, her laugh.

The way she moved.

They broke the mold with her.

One in a million. A real woman.

She had this touch...

-Who Is It?

- It's me, Dad. Eddie. Forgot my keys.

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