Borat: Cultural Learnings of America for Make Benefit Glorious Nation of Kazakhstan

KAZAKHSTAN:

MINISTRY OF INFORMATION PRESENTS

A KAZAKHSTAN:

TELEVISION PRODUCTION

IN ASSOCIATION WITH

BAGATOV FILMS:

My name Borat.

I like you. I like sex.

It's nice.

This my country of Kazakhstan.

It locate between Tajikistan

and Kyrgyzstan...

...and a**holes Uzbekistan.

This my town of Kuzcek.

This Urkin, the town rapist.

Naughty, naughty.

Over here, our town kindergarten.

And here live Mukhtar Sakanov...

...town mechanic and abortionist.

This my house. Entry, please.

He is my neighbor,

Nursultan Tulyakbay.

He is pain in my a**holes.

I get a window from a glass,

he must get a window from a glass.

I get a step, he must get a step.

I get a clock radio, he cannot afford.

Great success.

This is Natalya.

She is my sister.

She is number four prostitute

in all of Kazakhstan.

Nice.

This is my mother.

She oldest woman

in whole of Kuzcek.

She is 43. I love her.

And this my wife, Oxana.

She's boring.

What you say about me,

you skinny piece of sh*t?

Not now, please.

Why don't you do something

usefuI and dig your mother a grave.

Come in here, please. Ignore.

This is where I lives. My bed.

This is a VCR recorder.

And this play cassettes.

Now I show you outside

from my houses.

My hobbies, Ping-Pong...

...sunbathe...

...disco dance...

...and on weekends,

I traveI to capitaI city...

...and watch ladies

while they make toilet.

My profession, work as a

television reporter for Kazakhstan.

Please, you see.

THE RUNNING OF THE JEW 2004

Here comes the Jew.

It's a big one this year.

Whoaaa...

He nearly got the money there.

Wait, here comes Mrs. Jew.

She's stopped.

Is she? Is she?

Here it comes.

She's laid a Jew egg.

Go kids! Crush that

Jew chick before he hatches!

Although Kazakhstan glorious country,

it have problem too.

Economic, sociaI and Jew.

This why Ministry of Information

have decide to send me to U.S. and A...

...greatest country in the world,

to learn lessons for Kazakhstan.

I will traveI with most venerable

producer, Azamat Bagatov.

Azamat.

No, not film me!

Film him.

Urkin, not too much raping...

Humans only.

Doltan, I'll get you

a new arm in America.

I go to America!

America!

Wave goodbye to your

clock radio, a**hole!

If you cheat on me,

I will come over there...

...and snap off your cock.

JFK INTERNATIONAL AIRPOR New York City

I arrived in America's airport

with clothings, U.S. dollars...

...and a jar of Gypsy tears

to protect me from AIDS.

Stand clear of the closing doors,

please.

Hello, my name Borat.

I not American. I new in town.

Nice to meet you.

Hello, nice meet you.

Hey, what your name?

My name is mind your own

f***ing business.

Stand clear of the closing doors,

please.

Oh, hello. Nice meet you.

My name Borat.

- What's happening?

- Nice meet you.

Get the f*** out of here

before I break your jaw, bro.

- Yo, step the f*** off, bro.

- Okay. Okay.

- You're f***ing with the wrong one, man.

- Okay. Sorry.

Oh, sh*t.

Okay, okay, wait.

I get it. Please, relax.

I'll get him! CarefuI, he bite.

- Hey, man, what are you doing?

- Okay, relax.

Okay. Okay.

Okay, okay, relax.

Okay. Okay, wait.

Okay, no problem. Sorry.

Welcome to the Wellington HoteI.

GUY BORGES,Manager, Wellington HoteI

Do you want to pay for the entire stay now?

- I pay for one night. How much?

- Fine.

One night is $ 117.13.

We'll call it 85.

No, we can call it 117.

Let me get the door for you.

Come on in.

Very nice.

Very nice room.

We're not in the room yet, sir.

Hold on.

You might wanna repack.

We're gonna be moving again shortly.

I will not move to a smaller room.

Sir, this is your floor.

I'm gonna take you to your room.

- This is not my room?

- This is the elevator.

It takes you to the floor

where your room is.

Nice. Nice.

King in the castle.

King in the castle.

I have a chair. I have a chair.

Oh, go do this. Go do this.

King in the castle.

Hello, nice meet you.

My name Borat.

I am new in town.

- Get away from me.

- I just- I kiss you, say hello.

It arrive.

Hello, my name Borat.

I am new in town.

- I say hello and I-

- Do not touch me.

- Do not get near my face.

- I kiss you.

Yeah, you kiss me,

I'll pop you in the f***ing balls.

What mean, "balls"?

Very nice.

Very nice. How much?

Hello, nice meet you. My name Borat.

Get away!

What are you doing?

Wait, I want to say hello.

What is the problem?

This has been

most happiest day of my lifes.

I was very excite

to start my reportings.

America is known for its

sense of humor.

UN survey say Kazakhstan

have 98th lowest humor.

We must improve.

Hurry, hurry.

Just dry him, no hand relief.

How is my back p*ssy?

Not bad. Moist.

So what time this interview?

Soon, my friend.

Gently.

Enough!

- Hello. My name's Pat Haggerty.

"PAT HAGGERTY - Humor Coach"

- Nice meet you. Borat.

- Nice to meet you.

Should I make a joke

about my mother-in-law?

Yes. In America,

that's a very popular joke.

- Do you have a mother-in-law joke?

- Yes.

I had sexy-time

with my mother-in-law.

- A what time?

- Sexy-time.

I made sexy-time

with my mother-in-law.

- You had sex with your mother-in-law?

- Yes.

I don't think that Americans

would find that funny.

- No, it is not a joke.

- Yeah.

We're talking about humor.

Yes, you asked me about

my mother-in-law.

Do you have a joke about her?

No, why make a joke

on a mother-in-law?

Do you ever laugh on people

Rate this script:4.1 / 7 votes